New Year

Today is day 324 of the war. Today is January 1, 2009.

I deliberated for a while about going out for a run, but decided to wimp out.
This was a deliberate decision.

I was tired, and although I probably would've benefitted from a run, I decided not to do it because maybe, just maybe, my punishing view of what I do lately is an indicator that maybe I need to back off the killing wheel a little bit.

That didn't stop me from thinking "are you fucking crazy" when someone in my office vainly suggested that tomorrow be a reduced battle rhythm day. Not a fucking chance when there's a major plan that needs to be written. This other person sits in our shop but I don't consider part of the core plans group, so I account for what this person does, but when the chips are down, I also realize that most of the plan that's been written over the last few weeks is there because I exercised extremely coercive control over the entire joint plans group and ramrodded the concept that I felt was the right one - and the one that our commanding general has embraced. It is the way ahead and I have no regrets for running roughshod over those who were too incapable, unwilling, or cowardly to work. I didn't need them to finish the plan, and I don't care. Once this is done, the path will be set, where it needs to go.

I also realized, talking to people back home, that I've become alienated from who and what I left behind. This is the hazard of what I've had to do, in that I've become someone who, in David Drake's eyes, has become insane by civilian standards. This is perhaps why the aforementioned coworker got the thought response that ensued. That person exemplifies much of what I've come to despise in American society. We are defending it, but there is potential for better.

That said - to paraphrase Orson Scott Card: "But it doesn't weigh enough, does it, Colonel, because there's a war on, and our best talent is gone, and the biggest battles are ahead."

There may be time to back off the killing wheel some more when this plan is done. But I'm saving my energy for the big fights to come over the next week.

7.8mi, 65:15, 28 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 320 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Connells, "Fun & Games"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"
The Connells, "Upside Down"

WX at 0030: 28 (-2) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.06 (1018) ESE 2 haze; smoke RH 63

Odometer 4: 31.2mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 161/177

This is perimeter run 64.

Today was a day where I had to get in a run to work off some basic hate that had accumulated over the last day or so. I was witness to an entire staff section effectively quitting to avoid giving the impression (however correct) that they had not contributed their fair share to what will be probably the most lasting order we leave behind us. It has been a while since I've been witness to that level of cowardice and general lack of professionalism and integrity. It shocked me, but given what I saw of that section's character, did not really surprise me.

People ask me why I have such a dark view of human nature. It comes from events like this where my fundamental mistrust of other people gets such bitter validation. I suppose I'm polite (if for only the reason that I only carry 15 rounds of 9mm ball currently and I don't feel like carrying more than one magazine). Admittedly, I'm pretty profane, but it's pretty unusual even for me to, when asked about other members of the task force staff, snap off with "Fuck 'em. Just fuck 'em. Fuck everyone who doesn't come out and do this shit."

I don't think I really need them to write the parts of the plan they should have written - but it just adds onto the list of things we've gotten dumped on us because there's a statistically significant part of the staff that's allergic to work and the shop I work in has a reputation of not letting things fail.

That said, tonight's run was comparatively hard for relative sleep (I got perhaps 3 hours last night), but to quote Angela Chase from the show My So-Called Life, "Hatred can become like food. It gives you this energy. You can, like, live off it." Unbridled cathartic rage is a spiritually empty way to run one's life, which I can say without equivocation. But there is an awful evocative quality to hate and fury, one I find disturbingly alluring from time to time.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:32 08:32 08:32 08:32 1.00
1.00 17:05 08:33 08:33 08:32 2.00
1.00 25:31 08:26 08:26 08:30 3.00
1.00 34:08 08:37 08:37 08:32 4.00
1.00 42:26 08:18 08:18 08:29 5.00
1.00 50:54 08:28 08:28 08:29 6.00
1.00 59:17 08:23 08:23 08:28 7.00
0.75 65:15 05:58 07:57 08:25 7.75

Another for the list of movies I want to see...

A curiously un-American movie, requiring more than casual thought, which means it will not be terribly successful in the United States, methinks.

7.8mi, 69:53, 24 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 316 of the campaign.

iThink:
Paul Oakenfold, "Ready Steady Go"
Dos Gringos, "Has Anyone Seen My Wingman"
Paul Ruskay, "Agnus Dei" (the arrangement of Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings from the computer game Homeworld)
Dos Gringos, "Heat Loves the Cock" (from the Live at Tommy Rockers album)
Mindy Hester, "Keep On Rocking the Preschool"

WX at 2230: 37 (3) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.15 (1021) SW 2 haze; smoke RH 64

Odometer 3: 289.5mi

Z2-3.
Average/max heart rate = 157/171

This is perimeter run 63.

Today was a bizarre medley of whatever the hell would come to mind. Other things that came to mind was some idle thought on first-order derivatives (as in the concept from calculus), something I was discussing in passing with one of my coworkers, realizing that I hadn't had to explain limits, asymptotes, derivatives, and integrals, and how they relate to what I do as a planner.

I was tired, and did not want to go running tonight, but I've eaten enough in the last few weeks that I need to get back on a disciplined running kick - and I felt better, and with some of my mind cleared from having gone on a fairly easy run (but not so easy that my knees hurt). I found that going on this run actually helped quite a bit.

That, and it's x-moose, and I really didn't want to sit around listening to platitudes about the holiday season. My coworkers got the full fury of my holiday schadenfreude this morning. I suppose I should back off, but I think from time to time of the admonition about being a razor, and think to myself that in the five or so months I have left, I might be able to hang on the killing wheel long enough to finish the things I need to finish before I leave. Then I can back off.

The package I got today from the school where Household6 teaches and where the Princess and Sledgehammer attend was a reminder of what I left behind. It was a pointed reminder of why I do what I do, and perhaps why the person that I've become probably can not, in good conscience, go home.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:55 08:55 08:55 08:55 1.00
1.00 18:13 09:18 09:18 09:07 2.00
1.00 27:20 09:07 09:07 09:07 3.00
1.00 36:41 09:21 09:21 09:10 4.00
1.00 45:30 08:49 08:49 09:06 5.00
1.00 54:33 09:03 09:03 09:05 6.00
1.00 63:34 09:01 09:01 09:05 7.00
0.74 69:53 06:19 08:32 09:02 7.74

7.8mi, 62:26, 23 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 315 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Heat Loves The Cock"
The Pixies, "Alec Eiffel"

WX at 1730: 46 (8) DP 21 (-6) BP 30.15 (1021) NNW 5 haze RH 36

Odometer 4: 23.4mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 169/182.

This is perimeter run 62.

It's always nice to know the temperature can drop some ten degrees in less than an hour.

Today marked members of the division band walking around playing x-moose carols. I closed the door so I didn't have to hear them from other places. When asked why, I said the sound attenuation from the walls wasn't that good anyway, and anyway, we're doing the same thing on Christmas we do every day - try to take over the world. It's not like the insurgency's taking a break on x-moose, so we might as well take advantage of the cold weather to go after the motherfuckers, hunt them down, and kill them off like rats.

Today started controlled, and I think I was at least partly successful in making sure I didn't go out too fast.

The Pixies song comes from when Trompe Le Monde came out - for whatever reason I always envisioned watching cluster bombs being dropped in train over an airfield when I heard "Alec Eiffel." I'm not sure why. When I ran past some old Soviet revetments for jet fighters, I thought of cluster bombs killing fighters on the ground, and so goes the song.

Once again, first day in about 3 days that I've done anything other than just eat. I realized that when I was starting to regain some of my pear-shaped physique, which is always a telltale sign that I've restarted the Fatass Transformation.

Work may back off in a few weeks, so maybe some recovery might be possible. Maybe.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:54 07:54 07:54 07:54 1.00
1.00 16:06 08:12 08:12 08:03 2.00
1.00 24:17 08:11 08:11 08:06 3.00
1.00 32:23 08:06 08:06 08:06 4.00
1.00 40:13 07:50 07:50 08:03 5.00
1.00 48:18 08:05 08:05 08:03 6.00
1.00 56:24 08:06 08:06 08:03 7.00
0.78 62:26 06:02 07:44 08:01 7.78

Just to get in the mood

As I was telling one of my coworkers after I ripped someone's ass at work today, I could always stand to lose some holiday schadenfreude. Then again, maybe not.

7.8mi, 73:22, 20 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 312 of the campaign.

iThink: Hugo Friedhofer, Main Title to The Best Years of Our Lives

WX at 1730: 41 (5) DP 23 (-5) BP 30.06 (1018) S 10 RH 48

Odometer 3: 280.7mi

Z1.
Average/max heart rate = 149/160

This is perimeter run 61.

I hadn't realized it'd been five days since I hit the road. The days here in the combat zone tend to blend in when there's a lot of intensive planning work going on. I also realized that after about ten months, I'm not sure how much a day or two seems to make a difference.

I also realized that I hate x-moose. I fucking hate it with a passion. I associate it with bad things happening to people I know, so my memories of x-moose are rarely fond ones. I don't hang x-moose decorations, I've largely stopped sending cards, and it's no accident that my favorite x-moose song is "Fuck Christmas" by FEAR. A member of my office has a battery-powered chicken that plays the Chicken Dance. He turns it on and I think of putting a controlled pair (two rounds) into the lethal zone (head, chest, or gut) on the chicken. But that's just me.

So, it was not entirely illogical that the iThink, as nonrhythmic as it may seem, that the one mantra that stuck in my head was Hugo Friedhofer's opening credits music to The Best Years of Our Lives, a fictional film about the reintegration of three combat veterans back to their families after years of combat.

In a few months, that'll be me. Maybe.

In the meantime, I'm just burning lard on slow runs like this, where I have enough presence of mind to carry on a conversation at casual pace. Sometimes I need runs like this too.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:01 09:01 09:01 09:01 1.00
1.00 18:13 09:12 09:12 09:07 2.00
1.00 27:29 09:16 09:16 09:10 3.00
1.00 36:48 09:19 09:19 09:12 4.00
1.00 46:30 09:42 09:42 09:18 5.00
1.00 56:03 09:33 09:33 09:20 6.00
1.00 65:58 09:55 09:55 09:25 7.00
0.78 73:22 07:24 09:29 09:26 7.78

Linux, Ignorance and Agnosticism

Not sure where I chanced across this, but I guess I'm glad I'm not a middle school teacher.

I guess reasoned discourse isn't really dead in our society.

I was going to put in the original, but that link does a better job of summarizing it than I would.

7.8mi, 63:46, 16 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 308 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "I Wish I Had A Gun Just Like the A-10"
Rob Zombie, "Feel So Numb"

WX at 0030: 42 (6) DP 8 (-13) BP 30.09 (1019) Variable 2 RH 24

Odometer 4: 15.6mi

Z3-4.
Average/max heart rate = 166/179

This is perimeter run 60.

I could've chickened out, but I was curiously alert at midnight and wanted to go get a run in while I felt curiously okay (in spite of getting less sleep than I really wanted).

The weather was also uncharacteristically warm for the middle of December, so the opportunity was too good to pass up.

I tried to get a more controlled start than usual, and I think it paid some dividends - although there's a very definite cut line where I started picking up the speed, after the first five miles or so. This is consistent with the usual 35 minutes or so it takes me to get fully warmed up, and the finishing portion of this run is indicative of the controlled start. I felt much better finishing than I think I ordinarily would have had I done my usual jackrabbit start.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:00 08:00 08:00 08:00 1.00
1.00 16:28 08:28 08:28 08:14 2.00
1.00 24:55 08:27 08:27 08:18 3.00
1.00 33:20 08:25 08:25 08:20 4.00
1.00 41:30 08:10 08:10 08:18 5.00
1.00 49:42 08:12 08:12 08:17 6.00
1.00 57:56 08:14 08:14 08:17 7.00
0.75 63:46 05:50 07:47 08:14 7.75

7.8mi, 71:28, 13 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 305 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Bats, "Courage"
George Sanger, "Defend" theme from the video game Wing Commander (yes, the one from 1990.)

WX at 1930: 37 (3) DP 3 (-16) BP 30.21 (1023) SSE 2 RH 23

Odometer 3: 262.9mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 159/169

This is perimeter run 59.

Today was an easy run that turned into a good stretch at the end.

I knew I was going to be up a while, so I thought I'd knock out a run before most of the heat radiated out back into space.

Too bad most of the heat was already starting to radiate out by the time I started.

I normally don't like running with full sweatgear on, but for an easy run like this, it was warranted. I also had to get a shower in because I got a haircut for the first time in a few weeks.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:26 09:26 09:26 09:26 1.00
1.00 18:48 09:22 09:22 09:24 2.00
1.00 28:05 09:17 09:17 09:22 3.00
1.00 37:10 09:05 09:05 09:17 4.00
1.00 46:16 09:06 09:06 09:15 5.00
1.00 55:36 09:20 09:20 09:16 6.00
1.00 64:44 09:08 09:08 09:15 7.00
0.75 71:28 06:44 08:59 09:13 7.75

Two casualties of war

Normally I'd be off to sleep (it's 1:57am here) but I was witness to two things, almost back to back, that markedly unsettled me today.

I had occasion to brief my organization's campaign plan to a visiting unit. One of my coworkers, Rodger, ran into someone he'd known for a long, long time (who was in the visiting unit), and asked how the wife and kids were. The respondent said, matter-of-factly, "I'm divorced."

Another guy in that party was coming up to visit my boss, who had been this guy's first company commander in a former life. When my boss saw him, and asked how the family was, the other guy's response was "the kids are doing great." That raised a red flag or two in the back of my head. A few minutes later he alluded to "getting divorced was probably the best thing I could've done for them."

I wonder, after a fashion, if these relationships might have survived had it not been for the grinding down that repetitive combat tours does to people. I wonder.

7.8mi, 63:27, 11 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 303 of the campaign.

iThink:
Corrosion of Conformity, "What(?)"
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"
The All-American Rejects, "It Ends Tonight"

WX at 0030: 32 (0) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.18 (1022) NW 8 RH 39 WC 24 (-4)

Odometer 4: 7.8mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 166/178

This is perimeter run 58.

I was up late, but I forced myself to get out and run. I've been hitting the planner smokes more often than I'd like, but the alternative is to pound the shit out of something, and if I break my keyboard, I don't get a replacement. The pace of work remains as relentless as ever, and my effervescent demeanor at the office doesn't change much.

I must admit, there's an element of catharsis in these runs, and I should get back in the gym and lift, but I don't have the time and given a choice, I'd rather run.

I may go out during the day, take out the attack crosse from the office, and do some wall ball as a matter of clearing the mind. It worked for me in Iraq.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:58 07:58 07:58 07:58 1.00
1.00 16:12 08:14 08:14 08:06 2.00
1.00 24:28 08:16 08:16 08:09 3.00
1.00 32:44 08:16 08:16 08:11 4.00
1.00 40:49 08:05 08:05 08:10 5.00
1.00 49:09 08:20 08:20 08:11 6.00
1.00 57:19 08:10 08:10 08:11 7.00
0.77 63:27 06:08 07:58 08:10 7.77

7.8mi, 71:56, 9 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 301 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "The Things I Love"
The Connells, "Fun & Games"

WX at 0030: 33 (1) DP 32 (0) BP 30.15 (1021) SE 2 RH 96

Odometer 2: 402.0mi

Z2-3.
Average/max heart rate = 154/165

This is perimeter run 57.

This was very nearly five days without PT. That would have been unacceptable.

Between cancer sticking and caffeine ingestion to borderline unsafe levels, I probably need to do this more often.

Work has been even worse this past two weeks than I thought it's been; perhaps a good indicator is when people are telling me that I should not assemble our next order since our entire joint plans group would run the risk of experiencing my caustic fury at full bore. I'd ordinarily care, but I also realize that I'm not all that interested in making friends at work any more.

I realize that I'm about crushing out the work at hand, sensitivities be damned, so maybe I should be more relaxed, less the fact that we tend to work late and come in early.

Of course, I've made it eminently clear that we don't get fuck-all done in the mornings before 11:00am, so an early morning meeting is pointless when most productive work happens after 8:00pm in the evening anyway. My work lately has had the general texture of getting sodomized with a cheese grater, so the fun continues for the next six months until I'm paroled from this joint.

It's no accident that Dos Gringos has featured prominently in my song repertoire. Especially "The Things I Love" and its lyrics about certain body parts.

On a side note, I can now retire this pair of shoes. Whee.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:02 09:02 09:02 09:02 1.00
1.00 18:18 09:16 09:16 09:09 2.00
1.00 27:40 09:22 09:22 09:13 3.00
1.00 37:06 09:26 09:26 09:16 4.00
1.00 46:23 09:17 09:17 09:17 5.00
1.00 55:50 09:27 09:27 09:18 6.00
1.00 65:08 09:18 09:18 09:18 7.00
0.75 71:56 06:48 09:04 09:17 7.75

7.8mi, 65:58, 3 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 295 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "World War III"
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"

WX at 1830: 46 (8) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.12 (1020) Variable 1 smoke RH 22

Odometer 2: 394.2mi

Z3, Z4 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 161/178

This is perimeter run 56.

I thought this was going to be somewhat relaxing. Turns out I was right up against a deadline, so the last mile turned for all intents and purposes, into a very fast tempo run, as I steadily accelerated to the finish. That I was holding under 8 mpm was comforting, to know that I'm getting into progressively better shape. Maybe.

We've been doing a fairly intensive planning effort, and as usual, nothing works better to separate the sheep from the wolves. There are a fuckload of sheep in some staff directorates in our joint task force. That's about all I'll say.

I have noticed that Dos Gringos has gotten more iThink time than I would've thought, but I gotta admit, "World War III" and "Going In For Guns" are pretty catchy.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:41 08:41 08:41 08:41 1.00
1.00 17:14 08:33 08:33 08:37 2.00
1.00 25:47 08:33 08:33 08:36 3.00
1.00 34:20 08:33 08:33 08:35 4.00
1.00 42:53 08:33 08:33 08:35 5.00
1.00 51:30 08:37 08:37 08:35 6.00
1.00 59:50 08:20 08:20 08:33 7.00
0.78 65:58 06:08 07:52 08:29 7.78

7.8mi, 62:13, 1 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 293 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Photobooth"
Rob Zombie, "Feel So Numb"

WX at 1530: 62 (17) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.15 (1021) ENE 7 RH 13

Odometer 2: 386.4mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 168/178

This is perimeter run 55.

First afternoon run in a while, and it started out promising. What I didn't count on was having to run through all the dust kicked up by traffic departing at the end of day, and I certainly didn't count on a killer side stitch that showed up a few miles short of the finish. I was disappointed, since if it hadn't shown up, I think I might've gotten a good run on my personal record, but it's hard to go hard when you have a sharp pain in the ribs.

Passing other runners, though, is a definite motivator. This was very much apparent as I burned past other people on the road and along the sidewalk.

This was a good indicator of what I consider a fairly good tempo run, though.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:42 07:42 07:42 07:42 1.00
1.00 15:38 07:56 07:56 07:49 2.00
1.00 23:31 07:53 07:53 07:50 3.00
1.00 31:38 08:07 08:07 07:55 4.00
1.00 39:40 08:02 08:02 07:56 5.00
1.00 47:51 08:11 08:11 07:58 6.00
1.00 56:09 08:18 08:18 08:01 7.00
0.75 62:13 06:04 08:05 08:02 7.75

7.8mi, 66:44, 29 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 291 of the campaign.

iThink:
Wire, "Come Back In Two Halves"
Bear McCreary, "All Along the Watchtower"
Dan Latarski and Kim Nagel, title music to the 1990 computer game Stellar 7

WX at 1930: 48 (9) DP 15 (-9) BP 30.30 (1026) Variable 2 smoke RH 26

Odometer 2: 377.6mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 163/182

This is perimeter run 54.

Today was a day where I've been sitting at my desk eating cookies most of today. I needed to get out and burn some of that sugar off.

The finish was remarkably smooth, and remarkably fast for comparative effort. Maybe I seem to run faster when I'm weaving through people.

But if I don't, then I get fat. Not that being fat is going to really change my life here in theater, but it might be actually semi-useful when I get home to not be a fatbody. Then again, I'm not sure how much incentive there is upon getting home, either.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:32 08:32 08:32 08:32 1.00
1.00 17:11 08:39 08:39 08:35 2.00
1.00 25:56 08:45 08:45 08:39 3.00
1.00 34:38 08:42 08:42 08:39 4.00
1.00 43:12 08:34 08:34 08:38 5.00
1.00 51:56 08:44 08:44 08:39 6.00
1.00 60:26 08:30 08:30 08:38 7.00
0.79 66:44 06:18 07:58 08:34 7.79

7.8mi, 69:10, 27 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 290 of the campaign.

iThink:
Aly & AJ, "Chemicals React"
Hilary Duff, "Wake Up"

WX at 2330: 35 (2) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.30 (1026) E 2 RH 47

Odometer 2: 369.8mi

Z2.
Average/max heart rate = 153/179

This is perimeter run 53.

So much for tonight's hash. I go to the effort to do a trail, and only four people show up. After sitting for an hour or two, I decided to go run the perimeter instead at relatively easy pace. The average heart rate is an indicator, but I realize my legs are tired, regardless how slow I go.

Still, better than nothing. That's a hell of a way to spend a Thanksgiving. Then I went to the midrats meal and stuffed my face.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:51 08:51 08:51 08:51 1.00
1.00 17:48 08:57 08:57 08:54 2.00
1.00 26:40 08:52 08:52 08:53 3.00
1.00 35:45 09:05 09:05 08:56 4.00
1.00 44:39 08:54 08:54 08:56 5.00
1.00 53:48 09:09 09:09 08:58 6.00
1.00 62:48 09:00 09:00 08:58 7.00
0.74 69:10 06:22 08:36 08:56 7.74

~4.0mi, time indeterminate, 26 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 288 of the campaign.

iThink: Dos Gringos, "Last of the Breed"

WX at 1530: 59 (15) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.18 (1022) N 9 RH 19

Odometer 3: 255.1mi

Z1-3.
Average/max heart rate = 129/167

Scouting trail for tomorrow. This validates the reason why I always scout trail a day or two prior, and in person. There are always variations from the original plan, but this has potential to be a good one. That remains to be seen, but my co-hare is another experienced hasher who shares many of my thoughts on trail design.

7.8mi, 61:51, 24 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 286 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Jeremiah Weed"
Bear McCreary, "Passacaglia"

WX at 1930: 44 (7) BP 17 (-8) DP 30.15 (1021) E 6 smoke RH 33

Odometer 2: 362.0mi

Z4, Z5 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 167/180

This is perimeter run 52.

I was trying to get a personal record but started faltering the last few miles, perhaps because I went out too fast. I might try not jackrabbiting the start so that I can have some energy on the flip side. Of course, part of that might be due to it being the temperature it is outside, and wanting to warm up quickly. I'd be very happy to hold consistently under 8 minutes around here but I have yet to do that. I might have to shave off a few pounds to do it.

This is a big improvement from what I was running this summer, though.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:43 07:43 07:43 07:43 1.00
1.00 15:51 08:08 08:08 07:55 2.00
1.00 23:50 07:59 07:59 07:57 3.00
1.00 31:52 08:02 08:02 07:58 4.00
1.00 39:52 08:00 08:00 07:58 5.00
1.00 48:01 08:09 08:09 08:00 6.00
1.00 56:11 08:10 08:10 08:02 7.00
0.75 61:51 05:40 07:33 07:59 7.75

7.8mi, 63:05, 21 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

ay 283 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Long Division"
The Smiths, "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"
John Scott, opening credits music from The Final Countdown

WX at 1230: 51 (11) DP 3 (-16) BP 30.24 (1024) NNE 3 RH 13

Odometer 2: 354.2mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 175/186

This is perimeter run 51.

My legs were pretty tired...

I'm not sure what had caused the flashback to The Final Countdown. It might've been seeing a pair of A-10s landing, or having a CH-47 fly over me, none of which was in that movie, of course. I was in elementary school (3rd grade, to be exact) when that movie came out. I did, eventually, buy it on disk a few years ago - as well as the soundtrack, by John Scott, which is extremely hard to find.

I couldn't ask for much better weather than what I had today, though.

Today was a great example of jackrabbiting the start, and then realizing that I wasn't really going to run that fast.

Nonetheless - today was effort well-spent. That's good since there were some elements of work afterwards that entailed my basic desire to choke the shit out of people - randomly, of course.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:34 07:34 07:34 07:34 1.00
1.00 15:48 08:14 08:14 07:54 2.00
1.00 23:59 08:11 08:11 08:00 3.00
1.00 32:16 08:17 08:17 08:04 4.00
1.00 40:30 08:14 08:14 08:06 5.00
1.00 48:49 08:19 08:19 08:08 6.00
1.00 57:14 08:25 08:25 08:11 7.00
0.73 63:05 05:51 08:01 08:10 7.73

7.7mi, 67:32, 19 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 281 of the campaign.

iThink: Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"

WX at 0730: 39 (4) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.09 (1019) WNW 5 haze RH 40

Odometer 2: 346.4mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = ~160/169

This is perimeter run 50.

I suspect these shoes (a pair of Asics GT-2120s I got near the beginning of this tour) have another 8 or 10 runs left on them before I retire them, normally at the 400 mile mark.

Today started off painful - if for no reason than I spent an hour trying to get my internet connection to work, to no avail, and this is the third day in a row that I've been clocking five hours of sleep. This is starting to get a mite old.

I will try to get to sleep at a more reasonable hour, but I was glad I went for a run this morning based on what I'm eating, which is more than I probably should.

The other musing I did this morning was about ex-girlfriends from long ago, all long gone from my life, which ordinarily is totally irrelevant - were it not for the fact that long runs are my idle thought periods of the day, and I'm in a place where I'm certain there will be no sex in my life, at least not until I get back home.

There is someone in the office who likes to call the metal boxes in which we live "home." I tend to be very emphatic about the "home is 6,000 miles away" part of being here. Bagram is not home. Home, frankly, is where Household6, the Princess, and the Sledgehammer are, and they're not here.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:39 08:39 08:39 08:39 1.00
1.00 17:27 08:48 08:48 08:43 2.00
1.00 26:13 08:46 08:46 08:44 3.00
1.00 35:14 09:01 09:01 08:49 4.00
1.00 44:00 08:46 08:46 08:48 5.00
1.00 52:48 08:48 08:48 08:48 6.00
1.00 61:41 08:53 08:53 08:49 7.00
0.72 67:32 05:51 08:08 08:45 7.72

7.8mi, 67:22, 17 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 279 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Sammy Small"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"

WX at 0730: 41 (5) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.09 (1019) SE 2 haze RH 56

Odometer 3: 251.5mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 156/170

This is perimeter run 49.

Today was an easy run but necessary. I was looking to burn lard this morning and for the most part, did so. I was pressed by the need to get back in time for a meeting this morning. Our 8:30am meeting seriously chafes my ass, but that's driven off the experience of working in plans shops where most people work late, and tend to wake up late as a result - if for no other reason that good ideas tended to fall on us at about 8:00pm. This 8:30am meeting is a necessary evil of this job, and I accept it, but I definitely don't like it.

And maybe that's why "Sammy Small" was so appropriate to this morning.

But I got it in - and I'm sure I'll feel it the next few days, but I needed it.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:30 08:30 08:30 08:30 1.00
1.00 17:24 08:54 08:54 08:42 2.00
1.00 26:23 08:59 08:59 08:48 3.00
1.00 35:12 08:49 08:49 08:48 4.00
1.00 43:48 08:36 08:36 08:46 5.00
1.00 52:29 08:41 08:41 08:45 6.00
1.00 61:06 08:37 08:37 08:44 7.00
0.74 67:22 06:16 08:28 08:42 7.74

7.8mi, 61:33, 15 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 277 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"
The Delphines, "I Want You The Way I Want You (Not How You Are)"

WX at 2230: 41 (5) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.15 (1021) Variable 5 RH 56

Odometer 2: 337.6mi

Z4, Z5 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 170/183

This is perimeter run 48.

One of our operational law attorneys mentioned to me that I'd been here nine months. Nine flipping months...

Today was almost certainly a personal record. I was intending on running this morning, but decided to weenie out and sleep in. In waking up later than expected, I decided to hit the weights, so I did some upper body work (bench presses, lat pulldowns, and barbell curls) and some 120 situps or so. If tonight is any indicator, I should probably continue to lift.

I didn't think I was going to hit off as fast as I did, but once I was steadily running below the 8-minute per mile mark by mile 3, I decided to commit to trying to set a personal record, which I believe is actually the case by 62 seconds. All, very encouraging.

I'd like to think I might be in shape enough to get under an hour by the time I'm out of here, but that entails some more concerted work.

Or, to quote the predominant song in my head, "Darkstar, Judy, Judy, I'm going in for guns..."

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:00 08:00 08:00 08:00 1.00
1.00 15:51 07:51 07:51 07:55 2.00
1.00 23:42 07:51 07:51 07:54 3.00
1.00 31:46 08:04 08:04 07:56 4.00
1.00 39:40 07:54 07:54 07:56 5.00
1.00 47:42 08:02 08:02 07:57 6.00
1.00 55:43 08:01 08:01 07:58 7.00
0.78 01:31 05:48 07:26 07:54 7.78

7.8mi, 71:05, 11 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 273 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Bats, "Courage"
Death Cab for Cutie, "Lowell, MA" (again)
Death Cab for Cutie, "Bixby Canyon Bridge" (again)
Dos Gringos, "Jeremiah Weed" (curiously appropriate)

WX at 2330: 53 (12) 32 (0) 30.09 (1019) SSE 5 RH 45

Odometer 2: 328.7mi

Z3 mid-easy.
Average/max heart rate = 157/169

This is perimeter run 47.

Today was a thoroughly dispiriting day at work. I had occasion to brief a visiting officer who evinced little knowledge of strategy or, for that matter, any reasonable desire to understand how it affects life as we know it. I realized there that I was facing not one, but two examples of our failure to generate any kind of reasonable strategic thinkers because the other example was someone here who was equally ignorant of that - regardless of its pervasive effects on much of what we do.

It was then that I realized that I had witnessed the confluence of what I'm starting to call the Harbinger of Doom.

So, once again, I revisit the refrain of "Jeremiah Weed," because I know I'm chipping away at a bottle of it when I get back for once, especially after realizing that some organizations won't ever listen to any sort of strategic intellectual conscience...

Fox 1, when you've got nothing left
Fox 2, it's that heater in your chest
Fox 3, the only friend you'll ever need
That cocksucker motherfucker Jeremiah Weed

And when I leave, I will shake the dust off my boots when this visiting officer's command returns. And I'll try not to think too hard about the people and the progress we will leave behind.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:01 09:01 09:01 09:01 1.00
1.00 18:18 09:17 09:17 09:09 2.00
1.00 27:27 09:09 09:09 09:09 3.00
1.00 36:46 09:19 09:19 09:12 4.00
1.00 45:56 09:10 09:10 09:11 5.00
1.00 55:10 09:14 09:14 09:12 6.00
1.00 64:09 08:59 08:59 09:10 7.00
0.79 71:05 06:56 08:47 09:07 7.79

7.8mi, 62:47, 10 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 272 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Bixby Canyon Bridge" (this would not dislodge from my head)
Death Cab for Cutie, "Lowell, MA" (in my head for what ended up being a pretty fast finish)
snippets of Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"
snippets of James Horner, "Battle of the Mutara Nebula"
snippets of The Cure, "A Forest"
snippets of "The All-American Soldier"

WX at 0130: 42 (6) DP 24 (-4) BP 30.21 (1023) WNW 5 smoke RH 48

Odometer 2: 319.9mi

Z3-4.
Average/max heart rate = 168/186

This is perimeter run 46.

First time doing a perimeter run in a while. I've been revising the proposed structure of my officemates, physically as well as administratively. In the meantime, my intended PT schedule's been slipping, so I decided to FISTCON myself a run. I was pleasantly surprised at today's time, but given the conditions (almost no wind and cool, dry temperatures) anything else would've been unusual.

It sure did feel good to shake it out and go hard for a relatively long run, comparatively speaking. Running only 4 or 5 at a time just didn't feel right.

I'm still trying to figure out where my Garmin Training Center software shaves off seconds - there's a 3 second difference between split tables and overall time.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:06 08:06 08:06 08:06 1.00
1.00 16:07 08:01 08:01 08:03 2.00
1.00 23:55 07:48 07:48 07:58 3.00
1.00 32:01 08:06 08:06 08:00 4.00
1.00 40:10 08:09 08:09 32:02 5.00
1.00 48:26 08:16 08:16 08:04 6.00
1.00 56:46 08:20 08:20 33:49 7.00
0.76 62:44 05:58 07:51 13:39 7.76

Record APFT, 288 points, 8 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 270 of the campaign.

iThink:
Journey, "Only The Young"
Night Ranger, "When You Close Your Eyes" (yes. stop laughing.)

WX at 0630: 46 (8) DP 24 (-4) BP 30.24 (1024) NW 6 haze RH 42

Odometer 3: 243.7mi

Z4-Z5.

This was a refreshing change from the last time. I didn't get what I'd wanted, but it sure was a big improvement over the last test, where my run was, to say the least, substandard. I still didn't get what I wanted for the run, but I was a lot closer (and had I run a second faster, I would've collected another point, but that's academic) to the 290 points I normally strive to achieve.

Of course, it was noticeably cooler, and I had actually trained up some for that test. I also hadn't been doing Crossfit (or some facsimile thereof).

I do need to work out more - although it stands that while I've been averaging doing PT on every other day or so, I don't think that's enough by any stretch. I think I should be able to get that 290 before I leave Afghanistan, though.

Even after about a week's worth of advance warning, I was able to get my customary 200 points in the first two events with comparative ease. It's not that I had to kill myself to do it, but I was pleasantly surprised that after that little time, I was able to get back into the kind of shape required to get the results I did.

I still should've gotten 82 pushups, just on principle.

One other thing is that in spite of running faster, it was in the wake of being 5 pounds heavier than the last time. I don't think that 5 pounds is really muscle, either. I need to go back to lifting, in an attempt to see if I can get leaner again.

A note on the iThink this morning. I have no idea what cause me to think of 80s Top 40 and hair metal, but the song I was trying to push out of my head was "At Least I'm Not the Snacko" by Dos Gringos, my latest musical fix, the lyrics of which are entertaining, but the tempo is too slow for a good run unless I'm wogging:

They just lost my travel voucher over at finance
I just tried to fart but instead I squirted my pants
The cops just found my car totaled in a ditch
My hemorrhoids are back in town and their itching like a sonafabitch

But I'm not sad
It ain't all that bad
'Cause at least I can say I'm not the Snacko

My mother came to visit and she found my porno stash
Last week's midnight rendezvous is now a horrible rash
My brother's back in prison and my sister she's a whore
It probably wouldn't bother me but her pimp - her pimp lives right next door

But I'm not sad
It ain't all that bad
'Cause at least I can say I'm not the Snacko

Now I can go back to my dilatory ways of not working out much.

Splits:

Pushups: 80 in 1:40 or so (about the same as last time)
Situps: 87 in 2:00 (My boss was holding my feet, so I felt somewhat compelled to overachieve)
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
2.00 14:37 14:37 07:18 07:18 2.00

5.0mi, 40:35, 4 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 266 of the campaign.

iThink: The All-American Rejects, "It Ends Tonight"

WX at 0630: 37 (3) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.21 (1023) Variable 2 RH 32

Odometer 3: 241.6mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = somewhere around 168/180 or so

My heart rate monitor went absolutely bonkers at start. It was dry and not very conductive, so it didn't pick up much when I was starting up. Once I'd started sweating, it was a lot less problematic, and was largely accurate.

This was a hard one, but a little easier because it was a bit chilly out here. It was great running weather, not too much wind, with brilliant sunlight.

There are snowcaps as of two days ago, first I've seen since April. It was absolutely picturesque...which doesn't change the basic fact that it's only going to get colder soon.

I realize that my Garmin Forerunner 305 cuts fractional seconds, and that's why the aggregate time doesn't quite match the overall time.

There's something to be said about actually getting my run out of the way right away in the morning, though.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:56 07:56 07:56 07:56 1.00
1.00 15:59 08:03 08:03 07:59 2.00
1.00 24:09 08:10 08:10 08:03 3.00
1.00 32:18 08:09 08:09 08:04 4.00
1.00 40:19 08:01 08:01 08:04 5.00
0.03 40:32 00:13 07:13 08:03 5.03

5.0mi, 43:06, 2 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 264 of the campaign.

iThink:
Starflyer 59, "I Drive A Lot"
Jane Wiedlin, "One Hundred Years of Solitude"

WX at 2330: 51 (11) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.18 (1022) W 6 RH 25

Odometer 3: 236.5mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 162/171

Today is the Day of the Dead, or Dia de los Muertos in the original Spanish. I didn't care how late it was, I was getting in my run (and my 40x30x30x30 pushups and 50x40x40x30 situps).

I'm an atheist, but I was going to commune with those who are gone from this corporeal universe, one way or another. It was damned important to me, religion or not.

Of those people:
Tom Flynn, my father-in-law, who I remembered going drinking with one time when I visited his house in Carolina Shores, North Carolina. He was a father in so many ways and I miss him to this day.

Patricia Flynn, his wife, who died just over a year after he died of a heart attack. I honestly don't know of a grandmother who loved her grandchildren more - and was every bit the best grandmother we could have wished for the Princess and the Sledgehammer.

My grandmother, who, in spite of the language difference, tried her best to show her love for her grandchildren, some of whom, like me, she didn't see very much. The last thing I said to her was that I hoped that I'd be as good of a grandson as I could be for her.

Frederick Neumann, my violin teacher, who had been in Army counterintelligence during World War II, was the first concertmaster of the Richmond (Vrginia) Symphony Orchestra in 1957, and had been my violin teacher for twelve years. I would have asked him to commission me, but he died about two months before I was commissioned. His wife, Margaretta, had died my senior year at prep school; it was in her memory that I had dedicated my senior recital there.

Steve Gomeringer, the supply specialist at the Johns Hopkins ROTC program. He was a retired Air Force sergeant who had been at Hopkins for years, who I'd help out all the time, and was one of the few who was really in my corner when a lot of other people thought I'd never amount to much as a cadet. I'd like to think he was gratified when I became the cadet battalion commander, normally reserved for the best cadet in the senior year class at the end. He died three months before I was commissioned.

Gary Vasquez, who'd come to my old cavalry troop as a new scout right out of the schoolhouse, went to Ranger School and would not quit until he graduated. He came back six months later with his Ranger tab, which says much about his fortitude. I remember his fascination when I'd showed him how I wrote orders as a troop commander, to show how things differed from what he'd learned at Ranger School. Gary was killed in Afghanistan a month ago. I intend to visit his gravesite when I get back to the United States.

Jason Swiger, who had also come to my cavalry troop as a new soldier, died in 2007 in Baqubah, Diyala Province, Iraq. I had reduced Jason in rank once, and a lesser man would have quibbled about it. He came back from it, was eventually promoted to sergeant, beyond his original grade, and became every bit the kind of soldier I was glad I had. As his commander, I'd like to think, in a very small conceit, that I might have had something to do with his becoming the man he had become.

Jon Grassbaugh was the logistics officer for the same squadron as Jason Swiger. Jon died from an IED strike in Zaganiyah, also in Diyala Province, Iraq, a few weeks after Jason was killed. I knew Jon from the Pershing Rifles alumni network from Johns Hopkins, and he had asked me about my experiences in the 82d Airborne Division. There is a sense of dread that I might have been one of the contributors to his death; in the sense of I gave him one of the things that may have ultimately killed him. That gnaws at me from time to time. I wear a black KIA bracelet on my wrist with Jon's name on it every day. I will visit Jon at Arlington National Cemetery next time I get to Washington, D.C.

John Engeman, who was one of my coworkers a few years ago, who was killed by an IED in Iraq in 2006. John was a tireless worker and a voice of reason, in spite of the unbelievably intense stupidity that he and I had endured in our job at the time.

Matt Worrell, who was killed when his helicopter was shot down in 2006. Matt and I were lieutenants together in our first assignment to an armored cavalry squadron at Fort Hood, Texas. I found out about Matt the same day John Engeman died, just a few days after I got home from Iraq.

Tom Witt, my classmate from the Armor Officer Basic Course, who died when his tank rolled over in a training accident in 1995. Tom's a few rows over from Jon Grassbaugh in Section 60 at Arlington.

Emory Elmore, who committed suicide during his junior year. He and I attended the same prep school together and were both on the academic team and in the school theater.

Kent Greene, who I visited once in New York City, and who I remember fondly from our shared time on an internet mailing list for the TV show My So-Called Life. Kent died of pneumonia in 2000.

And among others, my dog Thor, who was a faithful running and road marching companion, and always brightened my day when I came home at the end of the day.

I don't really consider myself superstitious or excessively sentimental, but when I die, I want some of Thor's hair buried with me...and that of Household6. The rationale, not grounded in any kind of reason, is that at the end, what was left of us will come back. If I'm buried with the ones I loved, then I'll see them in the afterlife.

There's some necessary emotional and spiritual bloodletting that I do from time to time. This is one of those times.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:47 08:47 08:47 08:47 1.00
1.00 17:22 08:35 08:35 08:41 2.00
1.00 25:54 08:32 08:32 08:38 3.00
1.00 34:26 08:32 08:32 08:36 4.00
1.00 42:51 08:25 08:25 08:34 5.00
0.03 43:06 00:15 08:20 08:34 5.03

7.8mi, 67:29, 1 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 263 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Dust Brothers, "Stealing Fat"
Bear McCreary, "Roslin and Adama"

WX at 1930: 60 (16) DP 32 (0) BP 30.09 (1019) NNW 9 haze RH 33

Odometer 2: 312.1mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 162/171

This is perimeter run 45.

My knees hurt. They might, after shoes that probably have more than 312 miles on them from just casual walking around in some cases, but I don't feel very compelled to replace shoes when I only have 312 miles on them of actual running.

I feel exhausted, partly because of jet lag. I don't think there's any way around that.

But if I don't force myself to work out, it will slip. Getting things piled on me at work while I'm still barely staying above water is no fun.

This run was nothing to write home about. I don't feel motivated to run much faster than this lately because I'm so tired and ornery.

Tomorrow is the Day of the Dead. I think of this because of the dead people who I remember lately, and the ones with whom I wish I could talk again.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:29 08:29 08:29 08:29 1.00
1.00 17:10 08:41 08:41 08:35 2.00
1.00 25:38 08:28 08:28 08:33 3.00
1.00 34:36 08:58 08:58 08:39 4.00
1.00 43:13 08:37 08:37 08:39 5.00
1.00 52:08 08:55 08:55 08:41 6.00
1.00 60:54 08:46 08:46 08:42 7.00
0.76 67:25 06:31 08:34 08:41 7.76

~3.1mi, time indeterminate, 30 OCT 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 261 of the campaign.

iThink: None.

WX at 2200: 48 (9) 39 (4) 30.24 (1024) E 2 mist RH 71

Odometer 3: 231.5mi

Z3.

First hash in a while, and I actually didn't want to go. I was pretty well squashed by work and was going to play hooky, but the Grand Mattress for the hash here had asked and so, I came out.

I was good to unload, even for a little bit, but workload has been uncomfortably bad since I got back. Some of this is attributable to trying to catch up at the same time as going full bore, but even by normal standards, work is more than usual lately.

No Splits.

5.1mi, 43:04, 28 OCT 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 259 of the campaign.

iThink: The JudyBats, "Ugly On the Outside"

WX at 1730: 66 (19) DP 14 (-10) BP 29.94 (1014) ENE 12 light blowing widespread dust RH 13

Odometer 2: 304.3mi

Z3 approximate.
Average/max heart rate = no reading.

First PT in a week. This was preceded by pushups (40x30x30x30) and sit ups (50x40x40). I got notice that I have a physical fitness test in about a week and a half. Ah, the advance warning.

I don't worry about passing it, but I don't think I'll get the score I want to get on this upcoming one.

I also revisited why going from sea level to 4,950 feet MSL really kicks my ass. I'm headed to Kabul tomorrow which sits another 1000 feet higher. Awesome!

I also revisited the reason why I hate running during the day here. I was competing with traffic and dust almost the entire time. Reading Rico's answer to the qu3estion whether he had any respiratory problems while in Iraq...I can only imagine what kind of smart quip I want to give for this one after almost a year and a half in Afghanistan.

I find it ironic that while I hate to be alone, there are times that I frankly don't want to be around other people.That's an odd dichotomy, but I don't care.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:27 08:27 08:27 08:27 1.00
1.00 17:03 08:36 08:36 08:31 2.00
1.00 25:41 08:38 08:38 08:34 3.00
1.00 34:11 08:30 08:30 08:33 4.00
1.00 42:32 08:21 08:21 08:30 5.00
0.07 43:04 00:32 08:05 08:30 5.07

4.7mi, 37:41, 21 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth KS

Day 252 of the campaign.

iThink: Death Cab for Cutie, "What Sarah Said"

WX at 0600: 46.0 (7.8) DP 34.0 (1.1) BP 30.3 (1026) ENE 8 RH 62

Odometer 3: 228.0mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = NO READING

Last run at Leavenworth. I was hoping to get up earlier and run the Teardrop of Suck, but I decided to sleep in a little bit and went for two laps of the golf course block here, which has enough hills to work me over pretty well.

Relative speed was promising, tempered by the realization that when I get back to altitude, it's back to suckage.

The DCFC song was stuck in my head after browsing through some of the videos (and concert footage) for the song on YouTube...that, and the realization that I'm home for a short while because Household6 would have probably died had she not gone to surgery.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:51 07:51 07:51 07:51 1.00
1.00 15:58 08:07 08:07 07:59 2.00
1.00 24:01 08:03 08:03 08:00 3.00
1.00 32:08 08:07 08:07 08:02 4.00
0.69 37:41 05:33 08:03 08:02 4.69

Taps

As I was unloading groceries from the car today, I heard small arms fire. I realized, right afterwards, that it was actually a funeral. I always have a hard time with Taps, but none more so than when I hear it at a military cemetery.

My work is not done yet.

9.0mi, 75:09, 19 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth KS

Day 250 of the campaign.

iThink:
Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov, Russian Easter Overture
Antonin Dvorak, Adagio-Allegro molto, Symphony No. 9 in E Minor "From the New World"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"
Killing Zone, "All Along the Watchtower" (yes, the one used for the trailer for Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2)

WX at 0800: 51.1 (10.6) DP 44.1 (6.7) BP 30.15 (1020) S 13 RH 77

Odometer 3: 223.3mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 158/182

First time running the run I used to call the Nine Miles of Suck due to its extensive hill work in a long, long while. In the process, I set an unintentional PR for this distance.

There's something to be said about altitude training, but like I've said before, it's not a substitute for legitimate training.

I was pleasantly surprised, but didn't realize it at the time. There were some segments that were done faster than I expected. Of course, it might also help if I were lighter and wasn't packing as much weight.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:19 09:19 09:19 09:19 1.00
1.00 17:43 08:24 08:24 08:51 2.00
1.00 25:23 07:40 07:40 08:28 3.00
1.00 33:14 07:51 07:51 08:18 4.00
1.00 41:41 08:27 08:27 08:20 5.00
1.00 50:15 08:34 08:34 08:22 6.00
1.00 58:33 08:18 08:18 08:22 7.00
1.00 67:32 08:59 08:59 08:26 8.00
0.94 75:09 07:37 08:06 08:24 8.94

A personal reminder

Sometimes we have to leave people behind so that we can go on. So that we can continue to fight. Sometimes we have to do things that we never thought we were capable of, if only to show the enemy our will...

...When you can be this for as long as you have to be, then you're a razor. This war is forcing us all to become razors.

Because if we don't, we don't survive. And then we don't have the luxury of becoming simply human again.

I saw Battlestar Galactica: Razor as I was writing a campaign plan last year. I found that remarkably evocative for what I was about to do as a strategic planner. I'm about to go back to theater soon, and have been asked to come back with my head screwed on tight. And it will be. But I wonder whether I can live with being around people for whom the Long War is not a reality.

I say this because I've had a hard time adjusting back to life back at home, even for a short time, when I'm starting to think I need to be back, because my work is not done yet. I came to peace with being a razor a while ago - but also recognize that it can be corrosively unhealthy for my relationships outside the combat zone.

5.2mi, 42:05, 17 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth KS

Day 248 of the campaign.

iThink:
mewithoutYou, "January 1979"
Silverstein, "Defend You"

WX at 0600: 43.0 (6.1) DP 36.0 (2.2) BP 30.25 (1024) SSE 7 RH 76

Odometer 3: 214.3mi

Z3 high.
Average/max heart rate = 160/177

Today was about what I expected. I'd woken up earlier wanting to go for a longer run, but I'll save that for Sunday.

I did need to get up and going given my impending return to the combat zone soon.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:54 07:54 07:54 07:54 1.00
1.00 16:14 08:20 08:20 08:07 2.00
1.00 24:26 08:12 08:12 08:09 3.00
1.00 32:28 08:02 08:02 08:07 4.00
1.00 40:50 08:22 08:22 08:10 5.00
0.18 42:05 01:15 06:57 08:07 5.18

5.15mi, 43:00, 14 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth KS

Day 245 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab For Cutie, "All is Full of Love"
New Model Army, "Bloodsports"

WX at 0700: 52.0 (11.1) DP 46.0 (7.8) BP 30.32 (1026) NE 6 RH 80

Odometer 3: 209.1mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 157/172

It gets harder to wake up every morning here. I also realize that I need to eventually start shifting my clock back to Afghanistan time.

Today was a pretty disappointing run, but it's better than no run at all. I realized I've been slacking lately and I'm going to be in the hurt box again when I'm back at 5000 feet MSL.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:33 08:33 08:33 08:33 1.00
1.00 16:59 08:26 08:26 08:30 2.00
1.00 25:24 08:25 08:25 08:28 3.00
1.00 33:39 08:15 08:15 08:25 4.00
1.00 41:44 08:05 08:05 08:21 5.00
0.15 42:58 01:14 08:13 08:21 5.15

3.0mi, 25:29, 10 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth KS

Day 241 of the campaign.

iThink: end credits music to Robot Chicken

WX at 0700: 55.9 (13.3) DP `48.0 (8.9) BP 30.02 (1016) SSE 9 RH 74

Odometer 3: 203.9mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 153/169

Waking up is getting harder. Jet lag is still beating my ass and I still have my basic antisocial tendencies at work.

Today was slow and I frankly didn't fucking care.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:22 08:22 08:22 08:22 1.00
1.00 17:04 08:42 08:42 08:32 2.00
0.98 25:29 08:25 08:35 08:33 2.98

4.7mi, 37:50, 7 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth KS

Day 238 of the campaign.

iThink: Starflyer 59, "I Drive A Lot"

WX at 1000: 57.9 (14.4) DP 55.9 (13.3) BP 29.93 (1013) NW 13 light rain RH 93

Odometer 3: 200.9mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 162/180

Today ended up being much shorter than I'd intended. I've been reinstalling software on my computer over the last few days based on having to reinstall Windows because my wireless card wasn't working right.

Today was relatively quick but was driven externally by time stressors. Having to reset the computer is really starting to fucking piss me off.

Of course, there's a sizeable amount of things that have to be done with stuff at the house that I haven't had a chance to do either because they're time intensive and I can't carve out enough time to do them.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:46 07:46 07:46 07:46 1.00
1.00 16:11 08:25 08:25 08:06 2.00
1.00 24:15 08:04 08:04 08:05 3.00
1.00 32:11 07:56 07:56 08:03 4.00
0.72 37:50 05:39 07:51 08:01 4.72

4.3mi, 35:00, 5 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth, KS

Day 236 of the campaign.

iThink: Death Cab For Cutie, "What Sarah Said"

WX at 1000: 69.1 (20.6) DP 57.9 (14.4) BP 30.05 (1017) S 20 RH 68

Odometer 3: 196.2mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 165/181

I decided to get one in while my girls and mother were off at church. I don't go to church.

After visiting Household6 in the hospital and helping her take care of just basic daily activities - and seeing her in a lot of pain in the process of doing so, that Death Cab For Cutie song really sticks in my mind.

I'm trying to reconcile that with the basic desire to choke the shit out of everyone I meet lately. I know those tend to be mutually exclusive motivations, but there is a fucking compelling reason to give people decompression time after they get back from combat. Going from working in a plans shop, balls to the wall, to being home 44 hours later is pretty goddamn disconcerting.

I ran faster than I expected; I was doing lap repeats on the track in lane 4. I got in my 16 laps and I'll probably go long slow tomorrow.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:51 07:51 07:51 07:51 1.00
1.00 16:08 08:17 08:17 08:04 2.00
1.00 24:34 08:26 08:26 08:11 3.00
1.00 32:46 08:12 08:12 08:11 4.00
0.28 35:00 02:14 07:59 08:11 4.28

The other extreme of my life

This comes to mind a lot lately at work, for a variety of reasons, all different from why I think of the aforementioned Death Cab for Cutie song.


Nothing but the hurt left here.
Nothing but bullets and pain
and the bled out slumping
and all the fucks and goddamns
and Jesus Christs of the wounded.
Nothing left here but the hurt.

Believe it when you see it.
Believe it when a 12-year-old
rolls a grenade into the room.
Or when a sniper punches a hole
deep into someone’s skull.
Believe it when four men
step from a taxicab in Mosul
to shower the street in brass
and fire. Open the hurt locker
and see what there is of knives
and teeth. Open the hurt locker and learn
how rough men come hunting for souls.

- Brian Turner, "The Hurt Locker"

One extreme of my life

As I waited with Household6 in the hospital yesterday, and as I flew over on the plane from Afghanistan, I thought of this song.


And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?

- Death Cab for Cutie, "What Sarah Said"

6.8mi, 55:28, 4 OCT 08, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

Day 235 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Your Heart Is An Empty Room"
Death Cab for Cutie, "What Sarah Said"

WX at 0700: 54.0 (12.2) DP 46.9 (8.3) BP 30.08 (1018) ESE 7 RH 77

Odometer 3: 191.9mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 167/185

I can't believe that I'm not yet 50% through this deployment.

I am on emergency leave back at home. Household6 had to go in for surgery and 44 hours after showing up for manifest call at Bagram, I was back at home.

The sense of dislocation is absolutely fucking staggering. It is no accident that "What Sarah Said" is on my mind.

Today marked my first real PT in what's been about a week. I also managed to pick up a cold. I'm not sure if it's because I went from cool (at Bagram) to smoking hot (at Al Udeid Air Base) to long plane ride to cool at Kansas City. It could also be that I went maybe 60 hours without horizontal rack time and I was absolutely incoherently tired by last night.

Today's run proved a few things - altitude acclimation works (I felt pretty good starting off) but it's not a substitute for regular training.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:48 07:48 07:48 07:48 1.00
1.00 16:06 08:18 08:18 08:03 2.00
1.00 24:23 08:17 08:17 08:08 3.00
1.00 32:32 08:09 08:09 08:08 4.00
1.00 40:48 08:16 08:16 08:10 5.00
1.00 48:53 08:05 08:05 08:09 6.00
0.82 55:28 06:35 08:02 08:08 6.82

Distant memory

I grudgingly claim to be a member of Facebook. As a result, I was witness to a photo I hadn't seen, ever, and was from the fall of 1990, when I was a lot younger, thinner, and perhaps a bit more idealistic. It is amazing how many memories get sharply brought back after over a decade of dormancy.

It also reinforces how certain songs get imprinted in your memory because the first thing that came to mind, bizarrely enough, was an old Game Theory song, "Bad Year at UCLA." I remember that mostly because I'd bought their album Tinker to Evers to Chance when I had met the person who I ended up taking to this event.

These are strange things to remember almost two decades after the fact, but life gets strange in Afghanistan.

Except I'm not in Afghanistan. I'm headed back to the USA on emergency leave since Household6 is in the hospital.

5.1mi, 49:35, 27 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 228 of the campaign. Just barely.

iThink:
Rob Zombie, "Feel So Numb"
W.G. Snuffy Walden, opening credits to My So-Called Life

WX at 2330: 68 (20) DP 24 (-4) BP 30.00 (1016) Variable 6 RH 19

Odometer 3: 185.1mi

Z2.
Average/max heart rate = 151/157

I was a bit tired, and have been weighing a few things in the back of my mind lately, but about the last thing I was expecting to hear last night after finishing my run has been the news that Household6 was in the hospital after what should have been a fairly routine procedure.

I knew it was going to be a long deployment, but there is altogether too much going on in my life right now.

Tonight was one run where I just didn't care how slow I went - and I wanted to avoid setting myself up for overtraining anyway, so I deliberately went easy. I think what I did two weeks ago, trying to do a number of perimeter runs back-to-back, had a lot to do with why I got sick. I can't afford that right now. Most of the time, slow runs bring me some degree of peace, but if there's one word that doesn't describe my state of mind, it's equanimity. Sure wish I had some right now.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:29 09:29 09:29 09:29 1.00
1.00 19:21 09:52 09:52 09:40 2.00
1.00 29:21 10:00 10:00 09:47 3.00
1.00 39:18 09:57 09:57 09:49 4.00
1.00 49:09 09:51 09:51 09:50 5.00
0.05 49:35 00:26 09:14 09:49 5.05

7.8mi, 65:33, 27 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 228 of the campaign.

iThink:
John Williams, "Stored Memories"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"

WX at 0030: 62 (17) BP 28 (-2) DP 30.00 (1016) Variable 3 RH 27

Odometer 2: 299.2mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 171/181

This is perimeter run 44.

First real PT in about a week. I was sick with a bacterial cold that was pretty bad, bad enough where I was on Augmentin, Tylenol, Motrin, and Flonase for a week. That bad.

Then I was at Qatar on temporary duty. I was by myself, so I didn't get much in the way of support, so I passed up on PT. Self-medicating some of my frustrations was preferable to physical exercise. I'm denied that in Afghanistan, so I'll drink when I get the chance. I suspect don't have a drinking problem because I don't have an opportunity to contribute to it much.

This was my last opportunity to catch up with my good friend Rico, too, and it was gloriously good to see him one last time before he goes home.

For not running in a week, I guess I'm not too unhappy about the outcome, but I have much to rebuild as I've been dilatory at best with staying in shape.

The John Williams was after watching snippets of the movie AI: Artificial Intelligence, but that's a bad movie to watch if I miss my children...and I miss my children.

I've thought about a great many things lately, but nothing I feel like writing about. Yet.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:17 08:17 08:17 08:17 1.00
1.00 16:41 08:24 08:24 08:20 2.00
1.00 24:57 08:16 08:16 08:19 3.00
1.00 33:34 08:37 08:37 08:23 4.00
1.00 41:58 08:24 08:24 08:24 5.00
1.00 50:37 08:39 08:39 08:26 6.00
1.00 59:14 08:37 08:37 08:28 7.00
0.76 05:33 06:19 08:19 08:27 7.76

7.8mi, 68:17, 13 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 214 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Bats, "Courage"
New Model Army, "Bloodsports"

WX at 0030: 69 (21) DP 28 (-2) BP 29.97 (1015) S 5 RH 21

Odometer 2: 291.4mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 160/177

This is perimeter run 43.

I decided to force out a run tonight - work has been more fucking insane than I thought it was going to be, and there is some catharsis to be had in getting out of the large metal box and hitting the streets.

There's an awful lot of schadenfreude in my life lately; perhaps that's why I had New Model Army (a band not casually known for its mellow lyrics) on the mind tonight. It's an unusual mood for me to have NMA stuck in my head - usually I save those songs for truly black moods...and yet, I'm not sure why.

It is instructive to note that one of the visiting folks from our successor unit was asking rhetorically why my boss rated a PSD (personal security detachment). He was talking about how there's always some pissed-off looking Asian guy with a rifle and advanced infantry optics walking around at the low ready.

There are times that people look really uneasy; my level of basic aggression at work tends to make people uneasy - and the fact that I'm the only joker with optics on his bullet launcher compounds that. That...and the fact that last time I went to the range, and had target problems (it started moving around in the wind) I got a mite assed up...and got mostly head shots. That was downright motivational.

I need to go back out to the range and shoot man-sized targets again. It makes good catharsis.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:52 08:52 08:52 08:52 1.00
1.00 17:42 08:50 08:50 08:51 2.00
1.00 26:49 09:07 09:07 08:56 3.00
1.00 35:45 08:56 08:56 08:56 4.00
1.00 44:33 08:48 08:48 08:55 5.00
1.00 53:30 08:57 08:57 08:55 6.00
1.00 02:01 08:31 08:31 08:52 7.00
0.76 08:17 06:16 08:15 08:48 7.76

Some minor pleasures

Picking up a copy of T.H. White's The Once And Future King in the conference room of our headquarters company and realizing it had been some two decades since I really read it for detail.

And yet, it's compelling in a way that I don't associate with most of the reading I've done lately. How do you humanize one of the most enduring love triangles in literature? Read it.

My private chuckle today: At my desk at work: Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest." Now I feel compelled to listen to some Morrissey and wear a pink reflective belt here in the combat zone.

7.8mi, 70:12, 9 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Still day 210 of the campaign.

iThink: Hilary Duff, "Wake Up" (yes.)

WX at 2230: 68 (20) DP 41 (5) BP 30.00 (1016) W 3 RH 37

Odometer 2: 283.6mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 158/179.

This is perimeter run 42.

I decided to do something daring, I actually ran twice in a row - something I haven't done in a while. I had a few hours to kill, so I decided to try to knock out a run while I still could. Unfortunately, I starting having acid reflux-like symptoms about a third of the way through the run and I felt like I was going to woof. I didn't, but it was awful close. I suppose I would've run faster than 70 minutes had I not stopped to almost spew, but I'm more gratified that I actually worked out two days in a row and I might actually have some fighting chance to beat the lard monster.

Today warranted a run of this nature, though. There's nothing like working on two orders, going in front of the commanding general, and then his pointing out some truly bush league mistakes. I was livid, but not at him, by any stretch. I know it's going to be a bad day when the first word I utter when I get to my desk is "fuck!" The rest of the day followed suit.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:35 08:35 08:35 08:35 1.00
1.00 17:29 08:54 08:54 08:45 2.00
1.00 26:23 08:54 08:54 08:48 3.00
1.00 35:37 09:14 09:14 08:54 4.00
1.00 44:34 08:57 08:57 08:55 5.00
1.00 53:43 09:09 09:09 08:57 6.00
1.00 63:27 09:44 09:44 09:04 7.00
0.74 70:12 06:45 09:07 09:04 7.74

7.8mi, 73:04, 9 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 210 of the campaign.

iThink: Dos Gringos, "Sammy Small" and a host of other equally politically correct running cadences

WX at 0030: 62 (17) DP 41 (5) BP 30.03 (1017) Variable 1 RH 45

Odometer 3: 183.0mi

Z2-3 low.
Average/max heart rate = 147/154

This is perimeter run 41.

I was feeling a mite tired when I started, but it remains a basic fact that I've been getting a bit tubbier in the last few weeks. My eating hasn't slowed down and I don't work out that much, so the extra calories go to my gut, my chin, and my fat ass.

I didn't feel up to going very hard, and I want to experiment with a LOT of LSD to see if I can get back into trying to be able to do 15.5 (a two-lapper) on a regular basis - which I think I can.

I certainly don't intend to that overnight, though.

Now that it's cooling off some, maybe there's a possible start.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:20 09:20 09:20 09:20 1.00
1.00 18:38 09:18 09:18 09:19 2.00
1.00 28:00 09:22 09:22 09:20 3.00
1.00 37:34 09:34 09:34 09:23 4.00
1.00 46:53 09:19 09:19 09:23 5.00
1.00 56:17 09:24 09:24 09:23 6.00
1.00 65:56 09:39 09:39 09:25 7.00
0.76 73:04 07:08 09:23 09:25 7.76

7.8mi, 64:30, 7 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 208 of the campaign.

iThink: R.E.M., "Driver 8"

WX at 0130: 59 (15) DP 44 (7) BP 30.00 (1016) S 3 RH 57

Odometer 2: 275.8mi

Z3 mostly, Z4 high finish.
Average/max heart rate = 155/177

This is perimeter run 40.

I was going to sleep earlier tonight, but have a pretty bad chest cold and was totally unable to sleep, so I decided to go for a run.

I should probably go to the aid station to do something about this cold, since it's starting to really get under my skin.

Still, the weather has been getting quite nice lately, so I was pleasantly gratified to get the tmie I did. I desperately need to run more often than I do. Taking four days in between workouts is not going to work! If there's any indicator, I've gained three pounds in the last two weeks...not a good sign.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:23 08:23 08:23 08:23 1.00
1.00 16:53 08:30 08:30 08:26 2.00
1.00 25:12 08:19 08:19 08:24 3.00
1.00 33:41 08:29 08:29 08:25 4.00
1.00 42:07 08:26 08:26 08:25 5.00
1.00 50:22 08:15 08:15 08:24 6.00
1.00 58:38 08:16 08:16 08:23 7.00
0.76 64:30 05:52 07:43 08:19 7.76

2.9mi, time indeterminate, 4 SEP 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 205 of the campaign.

iThink: Nancy Sinatra, "You Only Live Twice"

WX at 2130: 75 (24) DP 26 (-3) BP 29.91 (1013) NNW 14 RH 16

Odometer 2: 268.0mi

Z2-3.

I was going to run this morning, but was so destroyed from lack of sleep and energy that I slept through two of my alarms. That's a bad sign.

This was probably one of the most clever hashes I've ever seen. It started with a direction that took them directly back to where the pack had come from, and then turned into a number of titty checks, followed by a detention by the MPs, that turned into an opportunity to eat jelly doughnuts, and then do pushups, and then say the Pledge of Allegiance, and some others.

Seriously, it was a great hash, which could have, in the words of the lead hare, "turned out to be one of the best trails ever, or one of the worst trails ever." I'd definitely have to say one of the best I've seen so far. This took some substantial time to plan out, and the results were well worth it.