My dissertation...

...is the bane of my existence.

I have written 15 pages in the last week. This is averaging about 3 times faster than I've been used to writing on the average, but I don't have any choice because of time constraints leading up to the defense.

I knew it was going to finish ugly. The next seven days will be even worse as I have a conclusion and an introduction to write (about 15 pages each) after I get this chapter done - and I am trying to kill off the chapter in the next three days.

To quote some of my former coworkers from the 82d Imperial Airborne Division in Afghanistan, four years ago:

HIGH OCTANE!!!

Nobody put a gun to my head to do this. Still, FML.

Memorial Day

To paraphrase Kristin Hersh, survivor's guilt is a bitch goddess.

I will have a few tonight to remember the ones who are no longer with us after the girls go to bed.

Roll Call

Gone, but not forgotten:

2LT Tom Witt - Fort Hood, Texas, April 1995
CW2 Aaron Weaver - near Fallujah, al-Anbar governorate, Iraq, January 2004
SFC Don Eacho - Ramadi, al-Anbar governorate, Iraq, March 2005
CW4 Matt Lourey - Buhriz, Diyala governorate, Iraq, May 2005
MAJ Matt Worrell - Yusufiyah, Baghdad governorate, Iraq, May 2006
CW4 Bill Engeman - Baghdad, Baghdad governorate, Iraq, May 2006
SGT Jason Swiger - Baqubah, Diyala governorate, Iraq, March 2007
CPT Jon Grassbaugh - Zaganiyah, Diyala governorate, Iraq, April 2007
SGT Eric Holke - Tallil, Dhi Qar governorate, Iraq, July 2007
SFC Gary Vasquez - Yakchal, Helmand province, Afghanistan, September 2008
MAJ Brian Mescall - Qalat, Zabul province, Afghanistan, January 2009
CW4 Niall Lyons - Darreh-ye Bum, Baghdis province, Afghanistan, October 2009
CPT Dan Whitten - near Forward Operating Base Sweeney, Zabul province, Afghanistan, February 2010
LTC Rob Baldwin - Ayatalah, Zabul province, Afghanistan, September 2010
CPT Dan Utley - Bamako, Mali, April 2012

4.61mi, 40:19, 26 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: Dirty Vegas, "Little White Doves"

WX at 07:53 S 14 10.00 A Few Clouds FEW130 77 69 77% NA 79 29.93 1012.4

Odometer 12A: 81.9mi

Z4 high. Average/max heart rate = 163/186

Today was hot. As a result I found myself working much, much harder than I expected, but that's okay. I hadn't run in two days, so I needed to get one in.

It is very hard to get progress on the dissertation when I'm playing single parent. Household6 is in Virginia looking for more houses. This too shall pass.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:42 08:42 08:42 08:42 1.00
1.00 17:21 08:39 08:39 08:41 2.00
1.00 25:59 08:38 08:38 08:40 3.00
1.00 34:49 08:50 08:50 08:42 4.00
0.61 40:19 05:30 09:01 08:45 4.61

Stag on...

Some people would tell me that wishing ill will on other men is un-Christian, but I'm not one, and GODDAMN is it fucking motivational when you're on the delivery end of an ambush.

The professionalism part comes in for the excellent fire discipline coming from the GPMG gunner on the far right. Dude's firing sustained, with consistent 5-round bursts off the gun.

I had took look up to make sure that the British Army had Javelins too. That missile was a huge bonus for light infantry. I, for one, am glad we have it.

3.36mi, 30:42, 23 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink:
The Bats, "Flowers and Trees"
Radiohead, "Let Down"

WX at 06:53 S 15 10.00 Mostly Cloudy FEW120 BKN200 66 47 67 62 50% NA NA 29.71 1005.2

Odometer 12A: 77.3mi

Z3 high. Average/max heart rate = 156/174

Not a recovery run, but I wasn't planning on going very hard. I figured I'd go at mostly aerobic pace, which I think I did.

My knees hurt. I'm not sure if it's the Neo33s or if it's something else. I don't want to write that off right away as I'm going to chalk some of it to a lowered heel drop from the GT-2160s I've been running in beforehand. I briefly thought about getting New Balance Minimus shoes but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

I don't want to run too hard as I have to go in hard on the dissertation until finishing and I can't afford workouts that leave me completely destroyed.

I guess I'm glad that Blogger hasn't dumped their old UI yet. I'll continue to use it until it's gone.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:14 09:14 09:14 09:14 1.00
1.00 18:35 09:21 09:21 09:17 2.00
1.00 27:36 09:01 09:01 09:12 3.00
0.36 30:42 03:06 08:37 09:08 3.36

3.78mi, 36:11, 22 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: Archers of Loaf, "Backwash"

WX at 06:53 S 9 10.00 Mostly Cloudy BKN110 BKN250 52 46 59 50 80% NA NA 30.09 1018.3

Odometer 12B: 3.8mi

Z3. Average/max heart rate = 149/166

Easy run. Didn't try to work too hard, and while my heart rate went above my intended zone, I wasn't breathing very hard. Either that or I need to recalibrate my own gut feeling on that one.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:46 09:46 09:46 09:46 1.00
1.00 18:56 09:10 09:10 09:28 2.00
1.00 28:50 09:54 09:54 09:37 3.00
0.78 36:11 07:21 09:25 09:34 3.78

My patron saint

My normal MO when I'm writing the dissertation is to put ONE song on infinite repeat while I'm writing, which is usually a few hours at a time. The one song that has gotten more traction than any other song over the last six months, by a couple of orders of magnitude, is Metallica's "St. Anger." No other song comes remotely close.

There is a part of me that thinks that nursing this level of sustained fury is bad for the soul. There's a much larger part of me that, at this point in my life, really couldn't give two flying fucks and knows that the raw fury that this brings will get me through the next month.

Saint Anger 'round my neck
Saint Anger 'round my neck
He never gets respect
Saint Anger 'round my neck

You flush it out, You flush it out
Saint Anger 'round my neck
You flush it out, You flush it out
He never gets respect

Fuck it all and no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
I need a voice to let myself
To let myself go free
Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
Medallion noose, I hang myself
Saint Anger 'round my neck

I feel my world shake
Like an earthquake
Hard to see clear
Is it me? Is it fear?

I'm madly in anger with you

And I want my anger to be healthy
And I want my anger just for me
And I need my anger not to control me
And I want my anger to be me

And I need to set my anger free.

Set it free!

4.62mi, 38:20, 21 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: Freespace SCP Blue Planet - "Aim"

WX at 06:53 NE 7 10.00 A Few Clouds FEW250 52 42 58 49 69% NA NA 30.27 1024.7

Odometer 12A: 74.1mi

Z4 hard. Average/max heart rate = 163/181

First run in over a week. Was on a research trip where I really didn't have time to do much other than research or prepare for it. I went hard, but I might regret it later.

No matter. I needed to run today or else. In spite of the crush to get the dissertation done, I need to do this for personal maintenance.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:17 08:17 08:17 08:17 1.00
1.00 16:41 08:24 08:24 08:20 2.00
1.00 24:55 08:14 08:14 08:18 3.00
1.00 33:04 08:09 08:09 08:16 4.00
0.62 38:20 05:16 08:30 08:18 4.62

0.74 + 2.97mi, 5:24 + 34:24, 11 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: none.

WX at 15:53 Calm 10.00 Overcast SCT050 OVC200 76 52 43% NA 78 30.07 1017.5

Odometer 12A: 69.5mi

Z5 ingress, Z1 otherwise. Average/max heart rate = no reading

The day that the Elder decides to run in a long-sleeve dual-layer shirt is the day she cranks out her personal best by about 5 minutes. Groovy. I find it entertaining that the Mission Command Training Program was dumping all their old unit coins (the ones that said "Battle Command Training Program") and the race course they had today was not that much different from the one I had unsubtly suggested a week ago. So much for the organization that's chartered to teach staff planning to Army general staffs. My private satisfaction was that the eventual race course, while not great, at least didn't have the potential for the kind of craptastic epic failure that I would've associated with their earlier plan.

Today was hot, but I was a mule for the Elder and a pacer for a few kids. It was interesting to see the kids who had trained fast but raced like crap, and those who pulled out far better performance in a race than they ever did in training.

My right ankle has hurt on and off the last few days, and I wonder if it is the shoes. I didn't feel it today, but I laced up tight.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
0.74 05:24 05:24 07:18 07:18 0.74

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 11:46 11:46 11:46 11:46 1.00
1.00 23:10 11:24 11:24 11:35 2.00
0.97 34:24 11:14 11:35 11:35 2.97

Song of the day

First thing that stuck in my head as I woke up.

5.0mi, 41:51, 9 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: The XX, "Intro"

WX at 06:53 NW 6 10.00 Fair CLR 48 43 54 46 83% 45 NA 30.08 1018.4

Odometer 12A: 65.8mi

Z4. Average/max heart rate = HRM did not read right this morning, but it says 154/178, which seems impossibly low.

Today was the first real run in a while, and it felt surprisingly good, although I have no doubt today's weather was a proximate factor.

The Neo33s seem to be working well, although I have to tie them tight or they slide in the heel, resulting in blisters. That's a fine line with the shoe, but one I think I can live with. The splits themselves were fine enough, with the last one being surprisingly quick.

The dissertation is pretty much sucking my ass raw.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:28 08:28 08:28 08:28 1.00
1.00 16:45 08:17 08:17 08:22 2.00
1.00 25:23 08:38 08:38 08:28 3.00
1.00 33:43 08:20 08:20 08:26 4.00
1.00 41:51 08:08 08:08 08:22 5.00

0.76 + 3.14mi, 6:05 + 41:43, 7 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: None.

WX at 15:53 NW 13 G 18 10.00 A Few Clouds FEW200 71 47 42% NA NA 30.03 1016.1

Odometer 11C: 291.2mi

Z4 ingress, Z1 remainder. Average/max heart rate = no reading.

Didn't run this morning, so easy work today, after mid-fast ingress.  Last practice with the kids.  I find I just don't have much patience with people who don't push themselves.  This might be consistent with my usual habit of writing people off who don't exhibit the desire to earn it, but no matter.

I have to remember that not every activity means life or death.  I just don't like being around sheep or lemmings.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
0.76 06:05 06:05 08:00 08:00 0.76

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 10:59 10:59 10:59 10:59 1.00
1.00 25:41 14:42 14:42 12:50 2.00
0.40 31:37 05:56 14:50 13:10 2.40
0.74 41:43 10:06 13:39 13:17 3.14

3.1mi, 48:21, 5 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: nothing.

WX at 10:53 S 9 10.00 Mostly Cloudy BKN250 81 70 69% NA 84 29.86 1009.8

Odometer 11C: 287.3mi

Z1. Average/max heart rate = 126/145

Running with the Elder, with the Younger on her bike. As slow as I thought it was going to be. I just stopped instead of trying to walk. It's easier on my knees to shuffle than to walk long strides.

It's actually quite nice if you're not having to work very hard. Nicer than it was earlier because of relative humidity dropping about 20%.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
3.10 48:21 48:21 15:36 15:36 3.10

4.6mi, 42:11, 5 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink:
MxPx, "I Will Follow"
Blue Oyster Cult, "Don't Fear the Reaper" (Apollo 440 remix)

WX at 08:53 S 9 8.00 Mostly Cloudy BKN250 73 70 90% NA NA 29.86 1010.2

Odometer 12A: 60.8mi

Z3 start, Z4 finish. Average/max heart rate = 155/184

I am still very tired. I was not fully woken up or for whatever other reason, was not feeling good until mile 2. The end was reasonable, but what made the difference today was relative humidity and changes in temperature. After a winter of running in the cold and when it's dry, it makes a big, big difference. No matter.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:19 09:19 09:19 09:19 1.00
1.00 18:41 09:22 09:22 09:20 2.00
1.00 27:50 09:09 09:09 09:17 3.00
1.00 36:47 08:57 08:57 09:12 4.00
0.60 42:11 05:24 09:00 09:10 4.60

5.0mi, 44:00, 3 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink:
Above and Beyond feat. Oceanlab, "On A Good Day"
The Bats, "Courage"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"
MxPx, "I Will Follow"

WX at 06:53 N 3 10.00 Overcast OVC022 70 64 73 69 82% NA NA 29.86 1010.2

Odometer 12A:56.2mi

Z4. Average/max heart rate = 156/182

I felt slow, it was humid, and my legs were tired. But I needed to run.

And I was unable to stick on any one song today.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:46 08:46 08:46 08:46 1.00
1.00 17:18 08:32 08:32 08:39 2.00
1.00 26:10 08:52 08:52 08:43 3.00
1.00 35:12 09:02 09:02 08:48 4.00
1.00 44:00 08:48 08:48 08:48 5.00

2.4mi+2,000m on Concept2 Model E, 21:42+8:12.6, 2 MAY 12, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

iThink: Hilary Duff, "Wake Up"

WX at 06:53 S 18 G 25 10.00 Partly Cloudy FEW050 SCT120 70 63 73 70 79% NA NA 29.74 1006.0

Odometer 11C: 284.2mi

Z4-Z5. Average/max heart rate = 155/185

I felt like total crap today, and part of it a function of lack of sleep. I needed to get out there today, but my knees were hurting (and I am pretty sure it is the shoes, but I'm still holding off on replacing these for now), so I decided to run to the gym and erg out a short 2,000m spin.

I was sitting next to a guy whose form was about 55 shades of fucked up, and if he was on the Concept2 just jacking around (as evident in his 2:45/500m pace), then I was going to go fullbore just on principle.

Thus was the hardest erg I have done in a long, long while. The left foot strap was starting to go, so it was loosening up every 1000m. That was annoying, and cost me a few seconds, but I was awake, mostly after that.

Because I have bloodlust.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.20 10:57 10:57 09:07 09:07 1.20

Distance: 2000
Time: 08:12.6
Avg/500m: 02:03.1
Drag Factor: 110
Per Mile: 00:06:36

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.20 21:42 10:45 08:58 09:02 2.40