Memory

I had an occasion to visit a Facebook page of a person I had known in passing, who I just found out had died of breast cancer about 7 months ago. It is the first ghost listing I know, although I knew two people whose profiles there either state "remembering" or "in tribute to" as they were killed in combat.

I think that is the hardest thing about the things I experience - it is very hard for me to say goodbye, ever, except in the few cases in which I had only ill will.

In another story...Anakin Skywalker turns to the Dark Side of the Force because he is afraid of the loss of those he loved. It was that fear and the desire to try to change the world to go the way that he wanted that turned him to the Dark Side. There are some parallels.

The Pixar film Up was on tonight on the Hub cable TV network. At that point I was going to be in the basement all night. I can't watch that film without weeping. Part of it is because of its constant references to memory and when life was better. Although those references are to fictional lives and not mine, it is the analogues I draw to my own life that made me way that I would never sit through that movie ever again. I can't do it.

They are not my memories, but that's not the point. It's the things that could have been, things that I suspect are lost forever.