Death by Powerpoint and Classes

Yesterday marked Death by Powerpoint, namely predeployment briefings. Some of them were useful. Others were absolutely worthless. As is often the case, it’s generally in the presentation. For a service where so much information is distributed, you’d think there’d be a greater emphasis on briefing skills…but I felt my eyeballs rolling into the back of my head because the briefer was too incompetently poor to deliver the message.

It really gives me an incipient case of the ass when someone pontificates on stage in front of a few hundred people but is so diffuse in the delivery that the message is totally lost.

Two things stuck in my mind as I sponged the briefs:

First, army class sessions often start with a joke, to gauge the class and get them oriented to the material at hand. Two years after OIF 1, France-bashing is still fashionable. While the French aren’t real high on my list of preferred allies, it remains to be seen that they are still, contrary to popular American belief, our allies. Although there’s some collateral humor to be had, I wonder about the effects of that on relations in the future. Granted, there’s not much I see that are critical national interests that France affects…short of their membership on the United Nations Security Council. Because they do hold a permanent seat and veto power there, the US does have to court them. But I can visualize some day when we will be dependent on the French for a coalition or assistance and the capriciousness of the American people will come to bite us in the ass.

The other thing that stuck in my mind, also related to the people to some extent, is the massive jingoism I see these days. The war has been going on about four years now. But when I sit through hooah films (or Shockwave Flash objects, whichever they are) to the tune of Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American), ” I find it hard not to feel a little embarrassed at lyrics of “we’ll put a boot up your ass/it’s the American way.” (This says an awful lot about what I think of that trend.) This probably isn’t the venue to discuss the virtues of federalism over a pure participatory democracy, but songs like that bother me. Of course, shows like Desperate Housewives and The Bachelor bother me for much the same reason.

Those two things probably make me sound pretentiously elitist. I’m not maligning the people who are in the military; after all, it is the soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines who will ultimately have to execute the orders I help write. But I can’t help but be reminded of the concept of the “strategic corporal.”

Other highlights of the day included seeing cavalry guidons at Fort Bliss for the first time in about a decade. As it turns out, I missed the activation ceremony of a brigade of the 1st Cavalry Division here this past Tuesday as I had a hot date at the Rapid Fielding Initiative site to draw equipment for deployment that morning, but we got back to the barracks in time to hear the trademark of any 1st Cavalry Division ceremony, which is the Horse Detachment charging hell-for-leather across the parade field as the division band played “Garryowen.” When I was a lieutenant, I would always chuckle as folks forgot to turn off their car alarms at the ceremonies, which were held at the division headquarters at Fort Hood. Inevitably, the volley of ceremonial guns at the beginning of the charge would add a not-infelicitous background of car alarms to the blank gunfire, horses, and division band.

Returning to scheduling: as has been the case, there’s literally no time for PT during the day or beforehand. If I wanted to get a run in, I’d have to wake up sometime around 3:00am and get it in before the initial formation. This will probably change next week as we start later in the day, but unless I force myself to get a run in (as I did last night), it’s just not happening. It’s just a matter of discipline.

Like any process, this entails some activity punctuated by extended periods of intense boredom. I have to wonder how much of this is legitimately mandated and how much of it is relevant. There were some classes (primarily at the small unit tactical level) that were just not relevant to, well, a strategic planner. Or, for that matter, just about any staff officer going to a general staff. But, of course, I could be wrong.

Today was no exception. It entailed some classes, some of which were probably not relevant to me – but everyone was going get those classes. Those classes were some of the most mind-numbing instruction I’ve received. Nonetheless, it highlights the staggering disparity of backgrounds of the folks here with me. Just as I wouldn’t expect to be able to do a root canal on anyone, I’m not sure a dentist would be proficient in plotting points on a map, for example. But common tasks are still common tasks, and he should be.

It also marked the first time I’ve had occasion to march in formation, calling cadence, since, well, when I was at Fort Benning as a student, long ago. Some people just don’t have rhythm. Myself, I’m a big fan of “at ease, march” these days.

Still, it sure is nice to be done before sunset. I’ve checked one of my two food yens before I depart; I ate Mexican for dinner a few nights ago. Tonight might entail Vietnamese, as I’ve been craving pho tai nam or bun bo xao before I fly.

One more thing. This blog will almost certainly go inactive when I depart the United States. Guidance on blogs requires that I register any blogs at division level. Based on that guidance, although I’ll be a member of the division staff, that level of oversight will probably detract from keeping this going. I may log entries and post them when I depart theater, but not before. I’d like to think I do a reasonable job of anonymity in this, but the concept of following orders dictates that the blog stands down while I’m there.