The Two Words of the Day: courage and rancor

"Courage...means hanging on for just one moment longer." I think of this, perhaps, after the last few months, where my coworkers and I have been saying to ourselves "we just have to make it through this month and maybe the workload will back off." We've been saying that since July and we're still just hanging on.

On the other hand, there's rancor. Right now, there are big wet hairy flakes of snow coming down where I am. At a steady rate. I think of the enemy, out in the snow, and the first thought that comes to mind is to let them freeze. If they want heat, then let 'em burn.

I've never denied my darker side - but I also usually don't celebrate death the way I have lately, either. We also lost three soldiers this past week - not as bad as the bad days of August, but an awful lot for the winter at once.

After a year of working over 16 hours a day, I realize that I have gotten to the point that David Drake wrote about in The Military Dimension, that war makes people insane by civilian standards. After they return, they may return to those civilian standards. After a while.

10,000m on Concept2 Model D, 46:25, 10 FEB 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 364 of the campaign.

iThink: None. Couldn't fix on any one song since there was music in the background.

WX at 2330: 32 (0) DP 24 (-4) BP 30.00 (1016) NW 7 haze; smoke RH 74

Odometer 4: (at 50% equivalence) 110.1mi

Z4 by feel only.

First time in a long while that I've hit the spinner. I found out yesterday that there was a Concept2 Model D in our gym, so now I have a very real incentive to get back on the stick in a way that I'm pretty sure will keep me engaged. Besides, not too many other folks want to hit the rowing machine here, aside from the Crossfitters who seem to enjoy that sort of stuff - but not at the distances I row.

I haven't worked that hard in a while - and running, even when I'm going hard, doesn't really work the same thing.

I was stiff, and at first, I was encouraged at clocking 2:05/500m, but reality set in quickly, and I was much closer to 2:15/500m for the first 4500m, then just barely hanging on at 2:20-2:24/500m at the end. I was tired, but I was determined to finish 10,000. I'm sure I'll get stronger - I haven't done this in a long, long time. There was a cold fury behind tonight's work - somewhat like the same attitude I get when I'm going to finish something or kill anyone in my way. But it's the road to recovery. And I may be going home sooner than I thought originally when I got here.

It's no accident I've wanted a Concept2 for a long, long time, but the only chance I might have to get one will be after I come back from Afghanistan.

Splits
Distance: 10000
Time: 00:46:25
Per 500m: 02:19
Drag Factor : 186
Per Mile: 00:07:28

7.8mi, 66:40, 9 FEB 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 363 of the campaign.

iThink:
Housewife, "Channel Noir"
Bear McCreary, "The Ballad of Gaeta"
Sonny Rhodes, "Ballad of Serenity"
The Smiths, "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"

WX at 2330: 37 (3) DP 32 (0) BP 30.09 (1019) SSE 2 RH 80

Odometer 4: 107.0mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 162/178

This is perimeter run 73.

I chickened out of running yesterday, but decided since I left work uncharacteristically early (i.e., 10:00pm) I'd get in my run. It was a little faster than before, and I was running more efficiently, but right now I'm weighing in at 185, and that's too much. I'm also working off some of the lard accumulated by writing the plan I did over the last few months.

I should eat less, but I'm not that disciplined lately.

I do have enough discipline, however, to get out and run.

I found out there's a Concept2 Model D in the gym. I suddenly feel much less compelled to run when I can get back on the saddle and crank away. Oh hell yeah.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:40 08:40 08:40 08:40 1.00
1.00 17:22 08:42 08:42 08:41 2.00
1.00 26:08 08:46 08:46 08:43 3.00
1.00 34:57 08:49 08:49 08:44 4.00
1.00 43:22 08:25 08:25 08:40 5.00
1.00 51:55 08:33 08:33 08:39 6.00
1.00 60:24 08:29 08:29 08:38 7.00
0.76 66:40 06:16 08:15 08:35 7.76

7.8mi, 66:55, 8 FEB 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 362 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Bats, "Courage"
Michael Kamen, Opening credits to From The Earth To the Moon

WX at 0130: 28 (-2) DP 19 (-7) BP 30.24 (1024) NW 6 RH 68

Odometer 3: 328.8mi

Z3-Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 159/179

This is perimeter run 72.

Tonight's not a school night, so I decided to go for a late night run. Sure beats lighting up cancer sticks to let off steam, and besides, I need to think about something different than why I don't want to talk to anyone, because the last few weeks has been sad validation about my basic belief in human nature.

I realized, though, that after almost a year in the combat zone, I cannot listen to Taps without crying. At the same time, I have no doubt that if I had occasion to level off my bullet launcher at someone I'm supposed to shoot, I'll do my damndest to put two rounds 5.56mm through that person's lethal zone. Maybe that's why I felt compelled to rewatch parts of The Lost Battalion, a really underrated movie starring Rick Schroder in a very compelling, non-Silver Spoons-like performance.

Coming up on St. Valentine's Day - and the first thing I think of whenever I think of that is St. Sebastian, getting shot with arrows and roasted on a grill by angry Roman soldiers. I also decided to rewatch the film Juno to remind me of a time when I was once still in love.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:43 08:43 08:43 08:43 1.00
1.00 17:38 08:55 08:55 08:49 2.00
1.00 26:17 08:39 08:39 08:46 3.00
1.00 34:52 08:35 08:35 08:43 4.00
1.00 43:21 08:29 08:29 08:40 5.00
1.00 52:01 08:40 08:40 08:40 6.00
1.00 60:39 08:38 08:38 08:40 7.00
0.75 66:55 06:16 08:21 08:38 7.75

~5mi, time indeterminate, 5 FEB 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Still day 359 of the campaign.

iThink: None.

WX at 2330: 28 (-2) DP 19 (-7) BP 30.03 (1017) WNW 6 RH 69

Odometer 3: 321.0mi

Z2-4.
Average/max heart rate = no reading.

I wasn't intending on hashing tonight, but after the course became an A-A trail, I decided to run. I was glad I did - it's the most substantive PT I've done in days, not counting my 30 minutes whittling away on the elliptical.

It's always hard to follow trail - but more so during the middle of the night on rocks. Still, it's easier than laying trail myself, and I got some good stretches of speed in just to shake things out.

No Splits.

2.95mi simulated, 30:00, 5 FEB 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 359 of the campaign.

iThink: None.

WX at 0130: 33 (1) DP 33 (1) BP 29.97 (1015) SE 2 mist RH 100

Odometer 4: 99.2mi

Z2.
Average/max heart rate = 117/133

First PT in almost a week, I think. At least it feels like it. We are going through the finish of our last major order, and I think it's probably the best order we've collectively written. It also reflects my extremely coercive view of the nature of my work and has been goddamn near all-consuming lately.

I've also found that as I've been downrange, I have progressively less and less to talk with Household6. She lives in a universe that is utterly alien to the attitude that sometimes terrible things have to be done because they are necessary. This is my reality.

It is no accident that I had the lyrics to Throwing Muses' "Shimmer" in my head this morning when I stepped out to work: "it don't rain under the water, it don't rain inside my heart."

Continuing to work my way through Keri Hulme's The Bone People. There are some parallels to my own life, it seems, from time to time, with that book. Not that I'm Maori or anything.

No splits.

The Coolest Thing Ever

I've been playing with Celestia Portable, a space simulator, and realize that my astrogation skills suck. But it's pretty neat, and after spending much of a day writing plans about how I'm going to find a way to kill certain demographics of people, there's some strange release in playing around with this.

When I don't feel like flying around at relativistic speeds to go see things like the Small Magellanic Cloud and M31, I can stay on Earth and look at constellations with Stellarium Portable instead.

7.8mi, 70:56, 31 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 354 of the campaign.

iThink:
Bear McCreary, "All Along the Watchtower"
The Cure, "A Forest"

WX at 0130: 32 (0) DP 19 (-7) BP 30.18 (1022) NNW 5 RH 59

Odometer 4: 96.2mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 159/168

This is perimeter run 71.

I was half-thinking about chickening out tonight, but I heard about about something on base that I couldn't pass up, so I went for a run to do some sightseeing.

I also needed to expend some lard. I skipped lunch today and I was paying for it all afternoon as I tried to eat my way through a shitload of junk food.

Tonight felt more like 33 degrees more so than yesterday - although I was wearing less snivel gear and I felt like I ran more efficiently. My legs were tired, though, from doing two perimeter runs in a row, so I'll need to be judicious about what I do the next few days to make sure I'm not overtrained.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:45 08:45 08:45 08:45 1.00
1.00 17:49 09:04 09:04 08:54 2.00
1.00 26:52 09:03 09:03 08:57 3.00
1.00 36:13 09:21 09:21 09:03 4.00
1.00 45:25 09:12 09:12 09:05 5.00
1.00 54:40 09:15 09:15 09:07 6.00
1.00 63:58 09:18 09:18 09:08 7.00
0.76 70:56 06:58 09:10 09:08 7.76

7.8mi, 67:47, 30 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 353 of the campaign.

iThink:
The All-American Rejects, "Dance Inside"
Death Cab for Cutie, "What Sarah Said"
Hilary Duff, "Wake Up"

WX at 0130: 33 (1) DP 32 (0) BP 30.09 (1019) Calm RH 93

Odometer 3: 316.6mi

Z3, Z4 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 163/176

This is perimeter run 70.

Much warmer than the temperature might indicate. I should've gone lighter with the snivel gear. It sure doesn't feel like 33 degrees.

I haven't run outside this week until now. Work has been that bad. I know it's bad when I go four days in between doing much of anything. It's that bad.

I'm hitting around 185 pounds partly because of this, and I should eat less, but I haven't had enough presence of mind to suck it up and be hungry.

I'm sure I'd run faster if I were lighter, but I haven't tried and keeping an even keel at work requires some food that I like other than just leaves.

Getting more than 5.5 hours of sleep a night might help too.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:37 08:37 08:37 08:37 1.00
1.00 17:27 08:50 08:50 08:43 2.00
1.00 26:15 08:48 08:48 08:45 3.00
1.00 35:15 09:00 09:00 08:49 4.00
1.00 43:50 08:35 08:35 08:46 5.00
1.00 52:38 08:48 08:48 08:46 6.00
1.00 61:27 08:49 08:49 08:47 7.00

4.32mi simulated, 45:00, 26 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 350 of the campaign.

iThink: None.

WX at 2330: 37 (3) DP 35 (2) BP 29.97 (1015) S 3 mist RH 93

Odometer 4: 88.4mi

Z3 low.
Average/max heart rate = 138/152

I figured I'd go a little shorter today, so only 45 minutes. I only got five hours of sleep yesterday, but I needed to burn lard. So lard it is.

Got a bit further into Keri Hulme's The Bone People, which is a paradoxical, but interesting read. When my entire working day revolves around writing plans, it's good to think about what else is there.

As I was telling my boss today, "education is an ornament in prosperity and a treasure in adversity." I'm sure I'm misquoting Vice Admiral James Stockdale, but it becomes more relevant every day here.

No Splits.

2.37mi simulated, 30:00, 25 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 348 of the campaign.

iThink: The All-American Rejects, "Gives You Hell"

WX at 0130: 41 (5) DP 28 (-2) BP 30.00 (1016) ENE 7 mist RH 60

Odometer 4: 84.1mi

Z2 heart rate, Z3 perceived effort.
Average heart rate = 127

Thirty minutes of idle wogging on the elliptical, and a chance to catch back up on my reading. Tonight's book is the continuation of the last, so Keri Hulme's The Bone People is still on the docket.

I was just working easy after going around the perimeter yesterday. I'm trying to maintain some veneer of momentum. It's worth a try.

That All-American Rejects song has a surprising level of schadenfreude even by my standards. It is catchy, and I can't dispute that I've felt that way sometimes in my life. Whatever.

No splits.

7.8mi, 68:59, 24 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 347 of the campaign.

iThink:
Tommy Keene, "Drowning"
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"
Dos Gringos, "HLTC"

WX at 0130: 33 (1) DP 23 (-5) BP 30.18 (1022) Variable 3 RH 64

Odometer 4: 81.7mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 153/165

This is perimeter run 69.

This has been, for the most part, a mild winter. This is fine for running, but not so good for fighting. I say this partially because I wasn't wearing much in the way of snivel gear tonight when I ran.

This is later than I intended, but I needed to run, and while I had momentum, I might as well get at it.

I also realized I didn't really care about how fast I was going, so long as I got in some mileage. I wouldn't call this junk mileage as I thought my pacing was actually fairly disciplined, relative to terrain and conditions. I also acknowledge the fact that I'm not ready to do anything like what I was doing earlier since I haven't been doing anywhere near as much.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:39 08:39 08:39 08:39 1.00
1.00 17:25 08:46 08:46 08:43 2.00
1.00 26:09 08:44 08:44 08:43 3.00
1.00 35:19 09:10 09:10 08:50 4.00
1.00 44:16 08:57 08:57 08:51 5.00
1.00 53:12 08:56 08:56 08:52 6.00
1.00 62:18 09:06 09:06 08:54 7.00
0.76 68:59 06:41 08:48 08:53 7.76

4.23mi, time indeterminate, 22 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 345 of the campaign.

iThink: none

WX at : 30 (-1) DP 21 (-6) BP 30.18 (1022) NW 7 RH 69

Odometer 3: 308.8mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 128/175

This was a hash that turned out to be longer than expected because I spent a lot of time retracing paths. I also got some mud tonight since the rain/snow from the last few days left a lot of wet dirt. First one in a while I haven't hared. Haha.

Still, this is a big improvement from doing nothing for PT for the last two days.

This was needed, anyway, because work today got nucking futs, more than usual.

No Splits.

7.8mi, 65:29, 20 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 343 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Jeremiah Weed"
The Cure, "A Forest"
Sonny Rhodes, "The Ballad of Serenity"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"

WX at 1930: 32 (0) DP 21 (-6) BP 30.21 (1023) NW 5 smoke RH 63 WC 26

Odometer 4: 73.9 mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 167/180

This is perimeter run 68.

First perimeter run in 10 days. It's been a while, and I have gotten soft.

Long runs are my way of mentally unloading thoughts I've been meaning to think about but can't at the workplace. I'm not at the hooch long enough to do much other than sleep and occasionally write this screed.

These are not things I want to entertain much lately, but I do, because I feel like I must, from time to time.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:13 08:13 08:13 08:13 1.00
1.00 16:36 08:23 08:23 08:18 2.00
1.00 24:57 08:21 08:21 08:19 3.00
1.00 33:25 08:28 08:28 08:21 4.00
1.00 41:54 08:29 08:29 08:23 5.00
1.00 50:37 08:43 08:43 08:26 6.00
1.00 59:08 08:31 08:31 08:27 7.00
0.76 65:29 06:21 08:21 08:26 7.76

3.1mi simulated, 30:00, 19 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 342 of the campaign.

iThink: None.

WX at 0130: 28 (-2) DP 19 (-7) BP 30.18 (1022) WNW 3 RH 68

Odometer 3: 304.5mi

Z3 low.
Average/max heart rate = 135 or so

I was almost about to chicken out, but I decided go for thirty minutes of easy work. That was punctuated by surfing the web. Oops.

I'm hoping tomorrow dries out enough where I can run the perimeter. Maybe.

Still not sure if I've gotten past my ire at the incompetent and unprofessional. That, or there's Grey's Law: "Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice."

Tonight's book: Keri Hulme, The Bone People. I'd gladly read any kind of literature - and this one is sufficiently off the beaten path to be worthy of real effort. It's not like I expect to read New Zealand literature about the Maori while I'm in Afghanistan.

No Splits.

7.3mi simulated, 60:05, 18 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 341 of the campaign.

iThink: 10,000 Maniacs, "Every Day Is Like Sunday"

WX at 0030: 28 (-2) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.12 (1020) WNW 5 snow RH 92

Odometer 4: 66.1mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 155

I learned my lesson from the last time and if I was going to endure incredible boredom on the elliptical whilst burning lard, I was going to catch up on some of the reading I'd been meaning to do while here.

The book I was reading was Michael Hodges' A Doctor Looks at War, an account of a cardiologist who was assigned to Fort Bragg, and deployed to Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003. My parents bought this book for me, as I'd spent some seven years at Fort Bragg, but I should've guessed that there'd be a persistent element of religion. I'll burn through the book as it's a pretty fast read (I was about 175 pages through from the start when the hour timer went off) but people address things in different ways.

I realize this because as I go through this tour, and realize some of the more pervasive dark sides of my personality, that I don't embrace any kind of religion at all. I realize this because the nature of my work has led me down a repudiation of human nature in a great many ways.

There are some true professionals with whom I am honored to work. There are some others who I think are complete and utter shitbags and are merely exchanging food products and oxygen at varying rates. I'm still of the belief that working with the latter is part of the price I pay for the privilege of working with the former. The price of that is that most of the former will be crushed flat and scraped off the floor with a putty knife by the end of the tour.

We lost two soldiers today, one in a helicopter crash and the other in a suicide vehicle-borne IED bombing, and there are others who are maimed for life. I think of those and other troops we've lost, in light of what I know to be a fairly well-developed sense of revenge. I realize lately that it would take scant motivation for me to kill, up close, which may not be a good leading indicator of ethics and morality as I start approaching the last quarter of my tour.

There are a few people who have warned me that all this hate is going to burn me up. There is a part of me that doesn't really care, because that's the part of me that is going to do whatever it takes, straight up to the bitter end. There's another part of me that wonders what I have to do in order to let it go because I probably won't be a very functional member of society if I want to kill a statistically significant number of people I see that I patently don't respect.

No splits.

3.6mi simulated, 30:00, 15 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 338 of the campaign.

iThink: Douglas Fulton, theme music to the video game "Skyfox" (Electronic Arts, 1983)

WX at 0730: 30 (-1) DP 30 (-1) BP 30.33 (1027) WNW 7 mist RH 100 WC 23

Odometer 3: 301.4mi

Z3.
Average heart rate = about 130 or so.

When it's wet and soupy, I don't want to run outside. Because I don't feel like it.

I did, however, set my alarm to wake me up to get in thirty minutes of almost desultory work on the elliptical. This morning falls partly in the junk miles category, but it's also to build up momentum. This is an issue of willpower - if I plan properly, I can spare the 30 minutes a day for the workout and some time associated with everything else just to ensure that my physical training program for that day doesn't mean "do nothing but eat."

The theme music to Skyfox stems is actually from being subjected to some NBA basketball game. That made me think of another ancient (i.e., 1982 or 1983) EA video game called Larry Bird and Dr. J. One-on-One - whose theme music was Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer" - and then it reminded me of what would stick in the back of my head.

Yes, I feel old.

No Splits.

6.0 simulated, 55:42, 14 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 337 of the campaign.

iThink: The Smiths, "Cemetry Gates" (thinking about the Oscar Wilde book I still have in my vertical file at my desk)

WX at 0730: 32 (0) DP 30 (-1) BP 30.33 (1027) NNW 3 big hairy clods of snow; mist RH 92

Odometer 4: 58.8mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = no reading - the heart rate reading on the elliptical wasn't working.

There are big wet hairy snowflakes coming out of the sky, and it's motivational. Motivational enough to get me into the gym because I'm too much of a wimp to go outside.

Goal was to crank on the elliptical until the calorie counter hit 1000. I did that in 55:42, and I wasn't too concerned about distance. I needed to because I'm starting to get rounded and somewhat fat. Not acceptable.

I'm not so desperate that I'll hit the dreadmill. Yet.

I think if I can get back on a reasonable discipline, then I may just hit the elliptical for 30 minutes daily if I don't do anything else. I've become dilatory and the commandment of "if you do only one thing, it had better be PT" has fallen by the wayside. That has to change.

No Splits.

7.8mi, 64:59, 11 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 334 of the campaign.

iThink:
Bear McCreary, "Passacaglia"
Kenny Loggins, "Danger Zone" (Yes, I saw strike fighters taking off and thought of the film Top Gun.)
Cheap Trick, "Mighty Wings" (The next song on the soundtrack. Yes, I had the soundtrack. On tape. 22 years ago.)

WX at 0130: 28 (-2) DP 23 (-5) BP 30.27 (1025) NW 7 RH 81

Odometer 4: 52.8mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 161/177.

This is perimeter run 67.

Work has been nucking futs lately. It is an indicator that I've been so ridiculously busy that the only time I can work out is at 1:30am when work is done. That is so wrong, in so many, ways, and yet there's not a whole lot I can do about it.

I was pleasantly surprised at the opening pace, until I realized I was going to have to work a hell of a lot harder to maintain what I thought was a reasonable pace. The usual crossover from suck to go that happens at around the 25-30 minute mark happened, and once I was past it, I was mostly steady for pace. It is the first substantive outside run that I've done in a week. That's not so good.

I realized I've been getting fatter lately, so I've been making some changes in my diet and trying to eat less. I'm not sanguine about being able to carve out time to run more, so I'll have to intake fewer calories. It is what it is.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:15 08:15 08:15 08:15 1.00
1.00 16:33 08:18 08:18 08:16 2.00
1.00 25:00 08:27 08:27 08:20 3.00
1.00 33:35 08:35 08:35 08:24 4.00
1.00 42:00 08:25 08:25 08:24 5.00
1.00 50:27 08:27 08:27 08:24 6.00
1.00 58:54 08:27 08:27 08:25 7.00
0.76 64:59 06:05 08:00 08:22 7.76

1.5mi hash, time indeterminate, 8 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 331 of the campaign.

iThink: Death Cab for Cutie, "The Ice Is Getting Thinner"

WX at 2230: 26 (-3) 21 (-6) 30.33 (1027) WNW 2 haze; smoke RH 81

Odometer 3: 298.8mi

Z3-Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 155/175

Good lord, first hash in almost a month. The cold weather is not helping much for people coming out and hashing, and I decided to hare since I didn't want to go very far and I wasn't expecting many people tonight. As it turns out, my trail was about the right length. Total distance to the finish was actually a little over a mile. I decided not to build in any long trails leading to dead ends, and I didn't employ any of the usual tricks I use to screw with the pack.

It was well-received, which is always a good sign, but I realize that my philosophies about laying trail are pretty well ingrained - but seem to work here - especially with less experienced hashers who are looking for flour in places - so I was especially obvious. And it worked.

Circle was in a pleasantly warm (very warm) room, but the beer was room temperature, ironically since the temperature outside is...below freezing.

There's another in two weeks, but I won't have to hare that one...for once!

~6.0mi (simulated), 1 hour, 7 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 330 of the campaign.

iThink: none.

WX at 0030: 23 (-5) DP 15 (-9) BP 30.12 (1020) WNW 5 mist RH 73

Odometer 4: 45.0mi estimate

Z2. By the calorie counter, 1000 calories.

Today is the Princess's birthday. I must call home later today. Period.

I decided to chicken out. I just didn't feel like taking on 23-degree cold, so I decided to wimp out a little less than the last two days and hit the elliptical machine. I realized this because my neck and cheeks are starting to get a little chubby, and that just won't do.

My legs will probably feel it tomorrow - but my skin and my knees won't, and that's okay.

No iThink tonight, because I decided to really fall off the wagon and started reading. I'd been reading Geoffrey Perret's Winged Victory, a detailed history of the US Army Air Force during World War II. Like Perret's other books, it's an irreverently good read, and really does a good job of highlighting the importance of the history behind the narrative in a way that never gets dry.

I was talking to one of my classmates from Fort Leavenworth on the phone today, and told him I've learned more about joint warfare in this job than in any other job I've ever had. It's also the most punishing job I've ever had, and that's why I think about where things are going, when I eventually leave Afghanistan.

But first, I must de-fattify myself.

7.8mi, 70:01, 3 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 326 of the campaign.

iThink:
R.E.M., "Driver 8"
The All-American Rejects, "Move Along"
The Dust Brothers, "Stealing Fat" (the opening credits music to the film Fight Club)
Bear McCreary, "Passacaglia"

WX at : 35 (2) DP 32 (0) BP 30.15 (1021) W 9 light rain RH 89

Odometer 3: 297.3mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 155/165

This is perimeter run 66.

Our intelligence planner has been telling us the weather was going to turn shitty, and the timing was impeccable. It started raining just as I got back. Tomorrow's going to be wet and sloppy, so I may not run, except on the dreadmill.

I started out going what I thought was going to be a workable pace, but found out I was running with a tailwind and started getting tired. It was slower than I wanted, but faster than yesterday.

I may pay for this later in dead legs, but the run was worth it, at least for now.

Shitty weather in the winter is good for us because it's bad for the enemy. And when it drops below freezing, it's turning into snow. Wet snow on top of wet ground.

Kill on. No thanks to the 1st No Value Added brigade of slugs who steal oxygen from more deserving individuals who actually work in our headquarters.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:36 08:36 08:36 08:36 1.00
1.00 17:21 08:45 08:45 08:41 2.00
1.00 26:16 08:55 08:55 08:45 3.00
1.00 35:51 09:35 09:35 08:58 4.00
1.00 44:32 08:41 08:41 08:54 5.00
1.00 53:45 09:13 09:13 08:58 6.00
1.00 63:10 09:25 09:25 09:01 7.00
0.75 70:01 06:51 09:08 09:02 7.75

7.8mi, 71:41, 1 JAN 09, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 324 of the campaign.

iThink:
New Model Army, "Bad Old World"
Dmitri Shostakovitch, Piano Concerto No. 2, Allegro, Opus 102
Ludwig van Beethoven, Symphony No. 3 "Eroica," Scherzo-Vivace

WX at 2330: 28 (-2) 21 (-6) 30.09 (1019) ESE 2 smoke RH 74

Odometer 4: 39.0mi

Z2-3.
Average/max heart rate = 157/171

This is perimeter run 65.

I started out exhausted but I know I needed to run since it had been four days since I last hit the road. I know I'm starting to get fat.

I attribute the previous discussion of the killing wheel to the New Model Army song that was stuck in my head this evening, since it factors in as part of the lyrics.

I'm not sure what caused me to get the music I associate with "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" from the movie Fantasia 2000, but it stuck, and eventually passed to what I call the "T.C. McQueen Workout Video," in homage to the show Space: Above and Beyond. The episode of S:AAB that featured the Beethoven passage was "The Angriest Angel," which is an episode about loneliness and revenge, and eventually redemption. Given that I have an extremely well-developed sense of revenge lately, I thought it appropriate - and that it was interesting how many similarities I found between the character of Tyrus Cassius McQueen and various character traits I've been exhibiting lately.

Maybe not the healthiest thing. There is time to recover later.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:07 09:07 09:07 09:07 1.00
1.00 18:30 09:23 09:23 09:15 2.00
1.00 27:50 09:20 09:20 09:17 3.00
1.00 37:18 09:28 09:28 09:19 4.00
1.00 46:21 09:03 09:03 09:16 5.00
1.00 55:40 09:19 09:19 09:17 6.00
1.00 64:59 09:19 09:19 09:17 7.00
0.74 71:41 06:42 09:03 09:16 7.74

New Year

Today is day 324 of the war. Today is January 1, 2009.

I deliberated for a while about going out for a run, but decided to wimp out.
This was a deliberate decision.

I was tired, and although I probably would've benefitted from a run, I decided not to do it because maybe, just maybe, my punishing view of what I do lately is an indicator that maybe I need to back off the killing wheel a little bit.

That didn't stop me from thinking "are you fucking crazy" when someone in my office vainly suggested that tomorrow be a reduced battle rhythm day. Not a fucking chance when there's a major plan that needs to be written. This other person sits in our shop but I don't consider part of the core plans group, so I account for what this person does, but when the chips are down, I also realize that most of the plan that's been written over the last few weeks is there because I exercised extremely coercive control over the entire joint plans group and ramrodded the concept that I felt was the right one - and the one that our commanding general has embraced. It is the way ahead and I have no regrets for running roughshod over those who were too incapable, unwilling, or cowardly to work. I didn't need them to finish the plan, and I don't care. Once this is done, the path will be set, where it needs to go.

I also realized, talking to people back home, that I've become alienated from who and what I left behind. This is the hazard of what I've had to do, in that I've become someone who, in David Drake's eyes, has become insane by civilian standards. This is perhaps why the aforementioned coworker got the thought response that ensued. That person exemplifies much of what I've come to despise in American society. We are defending it, but there is potential for better.

That said - to paraphrase Orson Scott Card: "But it doesn't weigh enough, does it, Colonel, because there's a war on, and our best talent is gone, and the biggest battles are ahead."

There may be time to back off the killing wheel some more when this plan is done. But I'm saving my energy for the big fights to come over the next week.

7.8mi, 65:15, 28 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 320 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Connells, "Fun & Games"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"
The Connells, "Upside Down"

WX at 0030: 28 (-2) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.06 (1018) ESE 2 haze; smoke RH 63

Odometer 4: 31.2mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 161/177

This is perimeter run 64.

Today was a day where I had to get in a run to work off some basic hate that had accumulated over the last day or so. I was witness to an entire staff section effectively quitting to avoid giving the impression (however correct) that they had not contributed their fair share to what will be probably the most lasting order we leave behind us. It has been a while since I've been witness to that level of cowardice and general lack of professionalism and integrity. It shocked me, but given what I saw of that section's character, did not really surprise me.

People ask me why I have such a dark view of human nature. It comes from events like this where my fundamental mistrust of other people gets such bitter validation. I suppose I'm polite (if for only the reason that I only carry 15 rounds of 9mm ball currently and I don't feel like carrying more than one magazine). Admittedly, I'm pretty profane, but it's pretty unusual even for me to, when asked about other members of the task force staff, snap off with "Fuck 'em. Just fuck 'em. Fuck everyone who doesn't come out and do this shit."

I don't think I really need them to write the parts of the plan they should have written - but it just adds onto the list of things we've gotten dumped on us because there's a statistically significant part of the staff that's allergic to work and the shop I work in has a reputation of not letting things fail.

That said, tonight's run was comparatively hard for relative sleep (I got perhaps 3 hours last night), but to quote Angela Chase from the show My So-Called Life, "Hatred can become like food. It gives you this energy. You can, like, live off it." Unbridled cathartic rage is a spiritually empty way to run one's life, which I can say without equivocation. But there is an awful evocative quality to hate and fury, one I find disturbingly alluring from time to time.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:32 08:32 08:32 08:32 1.00
1.00 17:05 08:33 08:33 08:32 2.00
1.00 25:31 08:26 08:26 08:30 3.00
1.00 34:08 08:37 08:37 08:32 4.00
1.00 42:26 08:18 08:18 08:29 5.00
1.00 50:54 08:28 08:28 08:29 6.00
1.00 59:17 08:23 08:23 08:28 7.00
0.75 65:15 05:58 07:57 08:25 7.75

Another for the list of movies I want to see...

A curiously un-American movie, requiring more than casual thought, which means it will not be terribly successful in the United States, methinks.

7.8mi, 69:53, 24 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 316 of the campaign.

iThink:
Paul Oakenfold, "Ready Steady Go"
Dos Gringos, "Has Anyone Seen My Wingman"
Paul Ruskay, "Agnus Dei" (the arrangement of Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings from the computer game Homeworld)
Dos Gringos, "Heat Loves the Cock" (from the Live at Tommy Rockers album)
Mindy Hester, "Keep On Rocking the Preschool"

WX at 2230: 37 (3) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.15 (1021) SW 2 haze; smoke RH 64

Odometer 3: 289.5mi

Z2-3.
Average/max heart rate = 157/171

This is perimeter run 63.

Today was a bizarre medley of whatever the hell would come to mind. Other things that came to mind was some idle thought on first-order derivatives (as in the concept from calculus), something I was discussing in passing with one of my coworkers, realizing that I hadn't had to explain limits, asymptotes, derivatives, and integrals, and how they relate to what I do as a planner.

I was tired, and did not want to go running tonight, but I've eaten enough in the last few weeks that I need to get back on a disciplined running kick - and I felt better, and with some of my mind cleared from having gone on a fairly easy run (but not so easy that my knees hurt). I found that going on this run actually helped quite a bit.

That, and it's x-moose, and I really didn't want to sit around listening to platitudes about the holiday season. My coworkers got the full fury of my holiday schadenfreude this morning. I suppose I should back off, but I think from time to time of the admonition about being a razor, and think to myself that in the five or so months I have left, I might be able to hang on the killing wheel long enough to finish the things I need to finish before I leave. Then I can back off.

The package I got today from the school where Household6 teaches and where the Princess and Sledgehammer attend was a reminder of what I left behind. It was a pointed reminder of why I do what I do, and perhaps why the person that I've become probably can not, in good conscience, go home.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:55 08:55 08:55 08:55 1.00
1.00 18:13 09:18 09:18 09:07 2.00
1.00 27:20 09:07 09:07 09:07 3.00
1.00 36:41 09:21 09:21 09:10 4.00
1.00 45:30 08:49 08:49 09:06 5.00
1.00 54:33 09:03 09:03 09:05 6.00
1.00 63:34 09:01 09:01 09:05 7.00
0.74 69:53 06:19 08:32 09:02 7.74

7.8mi, 62:26, 23 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 315 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Heat Loves The Cock"
The Pixies, "Alec Eiffel"

WX at 1730: 46 (8) DP 21 (-6) BP 30.15 (1021) NNW 5 haze RH 36

Odometer 4: 23.4mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 169/182.

This is perimeter run 62.

It's always nice to know the temperature can drop some ten degrees in less than an hour.

Today marked members of the division band walking around playing x-moose carols. I closed the door so I didn't have to hear them from other places. When asked why, I said the sound attenuation from the walls wasn't that good anyway, and anyway, we're doing the same thing on Christmas we do every day - try to take over the world. It's not like the insurgency's taking a break on x-moose, so we might as well take advantage of the cold weather to go after the motherfuckers, hunt them down, and kill them off like rats.

Today started controlled, and I think I was at least partly successful in making sure I didn't go out too fast.

The Pixies song comes from when Trompe Le Monde came out - for whatever reason I always envisioned watching cluster bombs being dropped in train over an airfield when I heard "Alec Eiffel." I'm not sure why. When I ran past some old Soviet revetments for jet fighters, I thought of cluster bombs killing fighters on the ground, and so goes the song.

Once again, first day in about 3 days that I've done anything other than just eat. I realized that when I was starting to regain some of my pear-shaped physique, which is always a telltale sign that I've restarted the Fatass Transformation.

Work may back off in a few weeks, so maybe some recovery might be possible. Maybe.

Splits

SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:54 07:54 07:54 07:54 1.00
1.00 16:06 08:12 08:12 08:03 2.00
1.00 24:17 08:11 08:11 08:06 3.00
1.00 32:23 08:06 08:06 08:06 4.00
1.00 40:13 07:50 07:50 08:03 5.00
1.00 48:18 08:05 08:05 08:03 6.00
1.00 56:24 08:06 08:06 08:03 7.00
0.78 62:26 06:02 07:44 08:01 7.78

Just to get in the mood

As I was telling one of my coworkers after I ripped someone's ass at work today, I could always stand to lose some holiday schadenfreude. Then again, maybe not.

7.8mi, 73:22, 20 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 312 of the campaign.

iThink: Hugo Friedhofer, Main Title to The Best Years of Our Lives

WX at 1730: 41 (5) DP 23 (-5) BP 30.06 (1018) S 10 RH 48

Odometer 3: 280.7mi

Z1.
Average/max heart rate = 149/160

This is perimeter run 61.

I hadn't realized it'd been five days since I hit the road. The days here in the combat zone tend to blend in when there's a lot of intensive planning work going on. I also realized that after about ten months, I'm not sure how much a day or two seems to make a difference.

I also realized that I hate x-moose. I fucking hate it with a passion. I associate it with bad things happening to people I know, so my memories of x-moose are rarely fond ones. I don't hang x-moose decorations, I've largely stopped sending cards, and it's no accident that my favorite x-moose song is "Fuck Christmas" by FEAR. A member of my office has a battery-powered chicken that plays the Chicken Dance. He turns it on and I think of putting a controlled pair (two rounds) into the lethal zone (head, chest, or gut) on the chicken. But that's just me.

So, it was not entirely illogical that the iThink, as nonrhythmic as it may seem, that the one mantra that stuck in my head was Hugo Friedhofer's opening credits music to The Best Years of Our Lives, a fictional film about the reintegration of three combat veterans back to their families after years of combat.

In a few months, that'll be me. Maybe.

In the meantime, I'm just burning lard on slow runs like this, where I have enough presence of mind to carry on a conversation at casual pace. Sometimes I need runs like this too.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:01 09:01 09:01 09:01 1.00
1.00 18:13 09:12 09:12 09:07 2.00
1.00 27:29 09:16 09:16 09:10 3.00
1.00 36:48 09:19 09:19 09:12 4.00
1.00 46:30 09:42 09:42 09:18 5.00
1.00 56:03 09:33 09:33 09:20 6.00
1.00 65:58 09:55 09:55 09:25 7.00
0.78 73:22 07:24 09:29 09:26 7.78

Linux, Ignorance and Agnosticism

Not sure where I chanced across this, but I guess I'm glad I'm not a middle school teacher.

I guess reasoned discourse isn't really dead in our society.

I was going to put in the original, but that link does a better job of summarizing it than I would.

7.8mi, 63:46, 16 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 308 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "I Wish I Had A Gun Just Like the A-10"
Rob Zombie, "Feel So Numb"

WX at 0030: 42 (6) DP 8 (-13) BP 30.09 (1019) Variable 2 RH 24

Odometer 4: 15.6mi

Z3-4.
Average/max heart rate = 166/179

This is perimeter run 60.

I could've chickened out, but I was curiously alert at midnight and wanted to go get a run in while I felt curiously okay (in spite of getting less sleep than I really wanted).

The weather was also uncharacteristically warm for the middle of December, so the opportunity was too good to pass up.

I tried to get a more controlled start than usual, and I think it paid some dividends - although there's a very definite cut line where I started picking up the speed, after the first five miles or so. This is consistent with the usual 35 minutes or so it takes me to get fully warmed up, and the finishing portion of this run is indicative of the controlled start. I felt much better finishing than I think I ordinarily would have had I done my usual jackrabbit start.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:00 08:00 08:00 08:00 1.00
1.00 16:28 08:28 08:28 08:14 2.00
1.00 24:55 08:27 08:27 08:18 3.00
1.00 33:20 08:25 08:25 08:20 4.00
1.00 41:30 08:10 08:10 08:18 5.00
1.00 49:42 08:12 08:12 08:17 6.00
1.00 57:56 08:14 08:14 08:17 7.00
0.75 63:46 05:50 07:47 08:14 7.75

7.8mi, 71:28, 13 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 305 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Bats, "Courage"
George Sanger, "Defend" theme from the video game Wing Commander (yes, the one from 1990.)

WX at 1930: 37 (3) DP 3 (-16) BP 30.21 (1023) SSE 2 RH 23

Odometer 3: 262.9mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 159/169

This is perimeter run 59.

Today was an easy run that turned into a good stretch at the end.

I knew I was going to be up a while, so I thought I'd knock out a run before most of the heat radiated out back into space.

Too bad most of the heat was already starting to radiate out by the time I started.

I normally don't like running with full sweatgear on, but for an easy run like this, it was warranted. I also had to get a shower in because I got a haircut for the first time in a few weeks.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:26 09:26 09:26 09:26 1.00
1.00 18:48 09:22 09:22 09:24 2.00
1.00 28:05 09:17 09:17 09:22 3.00
1.00 37:10 09:05 09:05 09:17 4.00
1.00 46:16 09:06 09:06 09:15 5.00
1.00 55:36 09:20 09:20 09:16 6.00
1.00 64:44 09:08 09:08 09:15 7.00
0.75 71:28 06:44 08:59 09:13 7.75

Two casualties of war

Normally I'd be off to sleep (it's 1:57am here) but I was witness to two things, almost back to back, that markedly unsettled me today.

I had occasion to brief my organization's campaign plan to a visiting unit. One of my coworkers, Rodger, ran into someone he'd known for a long, long time (who was in the visiting unit), and asked how the wife and kids were. The respondent said, matter-of-factly, "I'm divorced."

Another guy in that party was coming up to visit my boss, who had been this guy's first company commander in a former life. When my boss saw him, and asked how the family was, the other guy's response was "the kids are doing great." That raised a red flag or two in the back of my head. A few minutes later he alluded to "getting divorced was probably the best thing I could've done for them."

I wonder, after a fashion, if these relationships might have survived had it not been for the grinding down that repetitive combat tours does to people. I wonder.

7.8mi, 63:27, 11 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 303 of the campaign.

iThink:
Corrosion of Conformity, "What(?)"
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"
The All-American Rejects, "It Ends Tonight"

WX at 0030: 32 (0) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.18 (1022) NW 8 RH 39 WC 24 (-4)

Odometer 4: 7.8mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 166/178

This is perimeter run 58.

I was up late, but I forced myself to get out and run. I've been hitting the planner smokes more often than I'd like, but the alternative is to pound the shit out of something, and if I break my keyboard, I don't get a replacement. The pace of work remains as relentless as ever, and my effervescent demeanor at the office doesn't change much.

I must admit, there's an element of catharsis in these runs, and I should get back in the gym and lift, but I don't have the time and given a choice, I'd rather run.

I may go out during the day, take out the attack crosse from the office, and do some wall ball as a matter of clearing the mind. It worked for me in Iraq.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:58 07:58 07:58 07:58 1.00
1.00 16:12 08:14 08:14 08:06 2.00
1.00 24:28 08:16 08:16 08:09 3.00
1.00 32:44 08:16 08:16 08:11 4.00
1.00 40:49 08:05 08:05 08:10 5.00
1.00 49:09 08:20 08:20 08:11 6.00
1.00 57:19 08:10 08:10 08:11 7.00
0.77 63:27 06:08 07:58 08:10 7.77

7.8mi, 71:56, 9 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 301 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "The Things I Love"
The Connells, "Fun & Games"

WX at 0030: 33 (1) DP 32 (0) BP 30.15 (1021) SE 2 RH 96

Odometer 2: 402.0mi

Z2-3.
Average/max heart rate = 154/165

This is perimeter run 57.

This was very nearly five days without PT. That would have been unacceptable.

Between cancer sticking and caffeine ingestion to borderline unsafe levels, I probably need to do this more often.

Work has been even worse this past two weeks than I thought it's been; perhaps a good indicator is when people are telling me that I should not assemble our next order since our entire joint plans group would run the risk of experiencing my caustic fury at full bore. I'd ordinarily care, but I also realize that I'm not all that interested in making friends at work any more.

I realize that I'm about crushing out the work at hand, sensitivities be damned, so maybe I should be more relaxed, less the fact that we tend to work late and come in early.

Of course, I've made it eminently clear that we don't get fuck-all done in the mornings before 11:00am, so an early morning meeting is pointless when most productive work happens after 8:00pm in the evening anyway. My work lately has had the general texture of getting sodomized with a cheese grater, so the fun continues for the next six months until I'm paroled from this joint.

It's no accident that Dos Gringos has featured prominently in my song repertoire. Especially "The Things I Love" and its lyrics about certain body parts.

On a side note, I can now retire this pair of shoes. Whee.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:02 09:02 09:02 09:02 1.00
1.00 18:18 09:16 09:16 09:09 2.00
1.00 27:40 09:22 09:22 09:13 3.00
1.00 37:06 09:26 09:26 09:16 4.00
1.00 46:23 09:17 09:17 09:17 5.00
1.00 55:50 09:27 09:27 09:18 6.00
1.00 65:08 09:18 09:18 09:18 7.00
0.75 71:56 06:48 09:04 09:17 7.75

7.8mi, 65:58, 3 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 295 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "World War III"
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"

WX at 1830: 46 (8) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.12 (1020) Variable 1 smoke RH 22

Odometer 2: 394.2mi

Z3, Z4 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 161/178

This is perimeter run 56.

I thought this was going to be somewhat relaxing. Turns out I was right up against a deadline, so the last mile turned for all intents and purposes, into a very fast tempo run, as I steadily accelerated to the finish. That I was holding under 8 mpm was comforting, to know that I'm getting into progressively better shape. Maybe.

We've been doing a fairly intensive planning effort, and as usual, nothing works better to separate the sheep from the wolves. There are a fuckload of sheep in some staff directorates in our joint task force. That's about all I'll say.

I have noticed that Dos Gringos has gotten more iThink time than I would've thought, but I gotta admit, "World War III" and "Going In For Guns" are pretty catchy.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:41 08:41 08:41 08:41 1.00
1.00 17:14 08:33 08:33 08:37 2.00
1.00 25:47 08:33 08:33 08:36 3.00
1.00 34:20 08:33 08:33 08:35 4.00
1.00 42:53 08:33 08:33 08:35 5.00
1.00 51:30 08:37 08:37 08:35 6.00
1.00 59:50 08:20 08:20 08:33 7.00
0.78 65:58 06:08 07:52 08:29 7.78

7.8mi, 62:13, 1 DEC 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 293 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Photobooth"
Rob Zombie, "Feel So Numb"

WX at 1530: 62 (17) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.15 (1021) ENE 7 RH 13

Odometer 2: 386.4mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 168/178

This is perimeter run 55.

First afternoon run in a while, and it started out promising. What I didn't count on was having to run through all the dust kicked up by traffic departing at the end of day, and I certainly didn't count on a killer side stitch that showed up a few miles short of the finish. I was disappointed, since if it hadn't shown up, I think I might've gotten a good run on my personal record, but it's hard to go hard when you have a sharp pain in the ribs.

Passing other runners, though, is a definite motivator. This was very much apparent as I burned past other people on the road and along the sidewalk.

This was a good indicator of what I consider a fairly good tempo run, though.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:42 07:42 07:42 07:42 1.00
1.00 15:38 07:56 07:56 07:49 2.00
1.00 23:31 07:53 07:53 07:50 3.00
1.00 31:38 08:07 08:07 07:55 4.00
1.00 39:40 08:02 08:02 07:56 5.00
1.00 47:51 08:11 08:11 07:58 6.00
1.00 56:09 08:18 08:18 08:01 7.00
0.75 62:13 06:04 08:05 08:02 7.75

7.8mi, 66:44, 29 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 291 of the campaign.

iThink:
Wire, "Come Back In Two Halves"
Bear McCreary, "All Along the Watchtower"
Dan Latarski and Kim Nagel, title music to the 1990 computer game Stellar 7

WX at 1930: 48 (9) DP 15 (-9) BP 30.30 (1026) Variable 2 smoke RH 26

Odometer 2: 377.6mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 163/182

This is perimeter run 54.

Today was a day where I've been sitting at my desk eating cookies most of today. I needed to get out and burn some of that sugar off.

The finish was remarkably smooth, and remarkably fast for comparative effort. Maybe I seem to run faster when I'm weaving through people.

But if I don't, then I get fat. Not that being fat is going to really change my life here in theater, but it might be actually semi-useful when I get home to not be a fatbody. Then again, I'm not sure how much incentive there is upon getting home, either.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:32 08:32 08:32 08:32 1.00
1.00 17:11 08:39 08:39 08:35 2.00
1.00 25:56 08:45 08:45 08:39 3.00
1.00 34:38 08:42 08:42 08:39 4.00
1.00 43:12 08:34 08:34 08:38 5.00
1.00 51:56 08:44 08:44 08:39 6.00
1.00 60:26 08:30 08:30 08:38 7.00
0.79 66:44 06:18 07:58 08:34 7.79

7.8mi, 69:10, 27 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 290 of the campaign.

iThink:
Aly & AJ, "Chemicals React"
Hilary Duff, "Wake Up"

WX at 2330: 35 (2) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.30 (1026) E 2 RH 47

Odometer 2: 369.8mi

Z2.
Average/max heart rate = 153/179

This is perimeter run 53.

So much for tonight's hash. I go to the effort to do a trail, and only four people show up. After sitting for an hour or two, I decided to go run the perimeter instead at relatively easy pace. The average heart rate is an indicator, but I realize my legs are tired, regardless how slow I go.

Still, better than nothing. That's a hell of a way to spend a Thanksgiving. Then I went to the midrats meal and stuffed my face.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:51 08:51 08:51 08:51 1.00
1.00 17:48 08:57 08:57 08:54 2.00
1.00 26:40 08:52 08:52 08:53 3.00
1.00 35:45 09:05 09:05 08:56 4.00
1.00 44:39 08:54 08:54 08:56 5.00
1.00 53:48 09:09 09:09 08:58 6.00
1.00 62:48 09:00 09:00 08:58 7.00
0.74 69:10 06:22 08:36 08:56 7.74

~4.0mi, time indeterminate, 26 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 288 of the campaign.

iThink: Dos Gringos, "Last of the Breed"

WX at 1530: 59 (15) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.18 (1022) N 9 RH 19

Odometer 3: 255.1mi

Z1-3.
Average/max heart rate = 129/167

Scouting trail for tomorrow. This validates the reason why I always scout trail a day or two prior, and in person. There are always variations from the original plan, but this has potential to be a good one. That remains to be seen, but my co-hare is another experienced hasher who shares many of my thoughts on trail design.

7.8mi, 61:51, 24 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 286 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Jeremiah Weed"
Bear McCreary, "Passacaglia"

WX at 1930: 44 (7) BP 17 (-8) DP 30.15 (1021) E 6 smoke RH 33

Odometer 2: 362.0mi

Z4, Z5 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 167/180

This is perimeter run 52.

I was trying to get a personal record but started faltering the last few miles, perhaps because I went out too fast. I might try not jackrabbiting the start so that I can have some energy on the flip side. Of course, part of that might be due to it being the temperature it is outside, and wanting to warm up quickly. I'd be very happy to hold consistently under 8 minutes around here but I have yet to do that. I might have to shave off a few pounds to do it.

This is a big improvement from what I was running this summer, though.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:43 07:43 07:43 07:43 1.00
1.00 15:51 08:08 08:08 07:55 2.00
1.00 23:50 07:59 07:59 07:57 3.00
1.00 31:52 08:02 08:02 07:58 4.00
1.00 39:52 08:00 08:00 07:58 5.00
1.00 48:01 08:09 08:09 08:00 6.00
1.00 56:11 08:10 08:10 08:02 7.00
0.75 61:51 05:40 07:33 07:59 7.75

7.8mi, 63:05, 21 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

ay 283 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Long Division"
The Smiths, "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out"
John Scott, opening credits music from The Final Countdown

WX at 1230: 51 (11) DP 3 (-16) BP 30.24 (1024) NNE 3 RH 13

Odometer 2: 354.2mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = 175/186

This is perimeter run 51.

My legs were pretty tired...

I'm not sure what had caused the flashback to The Final Countdown. It might've been seeing a pair of A-10s landing, or having a CH-47 fly over me, none of which was in that movie, of course. I was in elementary school (3rd grade, to be exact) when that movie came out. I did, eventually, buy it on disk a few years ago - as well as the soundtrack, by John Scott, which is extremely hard to find.

I couldn't ask for much better weather than what I had today, though.

Today was a great example of jackrabbiting the start, and then realizing that I wasn't really going to run that fast.

Nonetheless - today was effort well-spent. That's good since there were some elements of work afterwards that entailed my basic desire to choke the shit out of people - randomly, of course.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:34 07:34 07:34 07:34 1.00
1.00 15:48 08:14 08:14 07:54 2.00
1.00 23:59 08:11 08:11 08:00 3.00
1.00 32:16 08:17 08:17 08:04 4.00
1.00 40:30 08:14 08:14 08:06 5.00
1.00 48:49 08:19 08:19 08:08 6.00
1.00 57:14 08:25 08:25 08:11 7.00
0.73 63:05 05:51 08:01 08:10 7.73

7.7mi, 67:32, 19 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 281 of the campaign.

iThink: Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"

WX at 0730: 39 (4) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.09 (1019) WNW 5 haze RH 40

Odometer 2: 346.4mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = ~160/169

This is perimeter run 50.

I suspect these shoes (a pair of Asics GT-2120s I got near the beginning of this tour) have another 8 or 10 runs left on them before I retire them, normally at the 400 mile mark.

Today started off painful - if for no reason than I spent an hour trying to get my internet connection to work, to no avail, and this is the third day in a row that I've been clocking five hours of sleep. This is starting to get a mite old.

I will try to get to sleep at a more reasonable hour, but I was glad I went for a run this morning based on what I'm eating, which is more than I probably should.

The other musing I did this morning was about ex-girlfriends from long ago, all long gone from my life, which ordinarily is totally irrelevant - were it not for the fact that long runs are my idle thought periods of the day, and I'm in a place where I'm certain there will be no sex in my life, at least not until I get back home.

There is someone in the office who likes to call the metal boxes in which we live "home." I tend to be very emphatic about the "home is 6,000 miles away" part of being here. Bagram is not home. Home, frankly, is where Household6, the Princess, and the Sledgehammer are, and they're not here.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:39 08:39 08:39 08:39 1.00
1.00 17:27 08:48 08:48 08:43 2.00
1.00 26:13 08:46 08:46 08:44 3.00
1.00 35:14 09:01 09:01 08:49 4.00
1.00 44:00 08:46 08:46 08:48 5.00
1.00 52:48 08:48 08:48 08:48 6.00
1.00 61:41 08:53 08:53 08:49 7.00
0.72 67:32 05:51 08:08 08:45 7.72

7.8mi, 67:22, 17 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 279 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Sammy Small"
Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"

WX at 0730: 41 (5) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.09 (1019) SE 2 haze RH 56

Odometer 3: 251.5mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 156/170

This is perimeter run 49.

Today was an easy run but necessary. I was looking to burn lard this morning and for the most part, did so. I was pressed by the need to get back in time for a meeting this morning. Our 8:30am meeting seriously chafes my ass, but that's driven off the experience of working in plans shops where most people work late, and tend to wake up late as a result - if for no other reason that good ideas tended to fall on us at about 8:00pm. This 8:30am meeting is a necessary evil of this job, and I accept it, but I definitely don't like it.

And maybe that's why "Sammy Small" was so appropriate to this morning.

But I got it in - and I'm sure I'll feel it the next few days, but I needed it.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:30 08:30 08:30 08:30 1.00
1.00 17:24 08:54 08:54 08:42 2.00
1.00 26:23 08:59 08:59 08:48 3.00
1.00 35:12 08:49 08:49 08:48 4.00
1.00 43:48 08:36 08:36 08:46 5.00
1.00 52:29 08:41 08:41 08:45 6.00
1.00 61:06 08:37 08:37 08:44 7.00
0.74 67:22 06:16 08:28 08:42 7.74

7.8mi, 61:33, 15 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 277 of the campaign.

iThink:
Dos Gringos, "Going In For Guns"
The Delphines, "I Want You The Way I Want You (Not How You Are)"

WX at 2230: 41 (5) DP 26 (-3) BP 30.15 (1021) Variable 5 RH 56

Odometer 2: 337.6mi

Z4, Z5 finish.
Average/max heart rate = 170/183

This is perimeter run 48.

One of our operational law attorneys mentioned to me that I'd been here nine months. Nine flipping months...

Today was almost certainly a personal record. I was intending on running this morning, but decided to weenie out and sleep in. In waking up later than expected, I decided to hit the weights, so I did some upper body work (bench presses, lat pulldowns, and barbell curls) and some 120 situps or so. If tonight is any indicator, I should probably continue to lift.

I didn't think I was going to hit off as fast as I did, but once I was steadily running below the 8-minute per mile mark by mile 3, I decided to commit to trying to set a personal record, which I believe is actually the case by 62 seconds. All, very encouraging.

I'd like to think I might be in shape enough to get under an hour by the time I'm out of here, but that entails some more concerted work.

Or, to quote the predominant song in my head, "Darkstar, Judy, Judy, I'm going in for guns..."

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:00 08:00 08:00 08:00 1.00
1.00 15:51 07:51 07:51 07:55 2.00
1.00 23:42 07:51 07:51 07:54 3.00
1.00 31:46 08:04 08:04 07:56 4.00
1.00 39:40 07:54 07:54 07:56 5.00
1.00 47:42 08:02 08:02 07:57 6.00
1.00 55:43 08:01 08:01 07:58 7.00
0.78 01:31 05:48 07:26 07:54 7.78

7.8mi, 71:05, 11 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 273 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Bats, "Courage"
Death Cab for Cutie, "Lowell, MA" (again)
Death Cab for Cutie, "Bixby Canyon Bridge" (again)
Dos Gringos, "Jeremiah Weed" (curiously appropriate)

WX at 2330: 53 (12) 32 (0) 30.09 (1019) SSE 5 RH 45

Odometer 2: 328.7mi

Z3 mid-easy.
Average/max heart rate = 157/169

This is perimeter run 47.

Today was a thoroughly dispiriting day at work. I had occasion to brief a visiting officer who evinced little knowledge of strategy or, for that matter, any reasonable desire to understand how it affects life as we know it. I realized there that I was facing not one, but two examples of our failure to generate any kind of reasonable strategic thinkers because the other example was someone here who was equally ignorant of that - regardless of its pervasive effects on much of what we do.

It was then that I realized that I had witnessed the confluence of what I'm starting to call the Harbinger of Doom.

So, once again, I revisit the refrain of "Jeremiah Weed," because I know I'm chipping away at a bottle of it when I get back for once, especially after realizing that some organizations won't ever listen to any sort of strategic intellectual conscience...

Fox 1, when you've got nothing left
Fox 2, it's that heater in your chest
Fox 3, the only friend you'll ever need
That cocksucker motherfucker Jeremiah Weed

And when I leave, I will shake the dust off my boots when this visiting officer's command returns. And I'll try not to think too hard about the people and the progress we will leave behind.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 09:01 09:01 09:01 09:01 1.00
1.00 18:18 09:17 09:17 09:09 2.00
1.00 27:27 09:09 09:09 09:09 3.00
1.00 36:46 09:19 09:19 09:12 4.00
1.00 45:56 09:10 09:10 09:11 5.00
1.00 55:10 09:14 09:14 09:12 6.00
1.00 64:09 08:59 08:59 09:10 7.00
0.79 71:05 06:56 08:47 09:07 7.79

7.8mi, 62:47, 10 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 272 of the campaign.

iThink:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Bixby Canyon Bridge" (this would not dislodge from my head)
Death Cab for Cutie, "Lowell, MA" (in my head for what ended up being a pretty fast finish)
snippets of Bear McCreary, "Storming New Caprica"
snippets of James Horner, "Battle of the Mutara Nebula"
snippets of The Cure, "A Forest"
snippets of "The All-American Soldier"

WX at 0130: 42 (6) DP 24 (-4) BP 30.21 (1023) WNW 5 smoke RH 48

Odometer 2: 319.9mi

Z3-4.
Average/max heart rate = 168/186

This is perimeter run 46.

First time doing a perimeter run in a while. I've been revising the proposed structure of my officemates, physically as well as administratively. In the meantime, my intended PT schedule's been slipping, so I decided to FISTCON myself a run. I was pleasantly surprised at today's time, but given the conditions (almost no wind and cool, dry temperatures) anything else would've been unusual.

It sure did feel good to shake it out and go hard for a relatively long run, comparatively speaking. Running only 4 or 5 at a time just didn't feel right.

I'm still trying to figure out where my Garmin Training Center software shaves off seconds - there's a 3 second difference between split tables and overall time.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:06 08:06 08:06 08:06 1.00
1.00 16:07 08:01 08:01 08:03 2.00
1.00 23:55 07:48 07:48 07:58 3.00
1.00 32:01 08:06 08:06 08:00 4.00
1.00 40:10 08:09 08:09 32:02 5.00
1.00 48:26 08:16 08:16 08:04 6.00
1.00 56:46 08:20 08:20 33:49 7.00
0.76 62:44 05:58 07:51 13:39 7.76

Record APFT, 288 points, 8 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 270 of the campaign.

iThink:
Journey, "Only The Young"
Night Ranger, "When You Close Your Eyes" (yes. stop laughing.)

WX at 0630: 46 (8) DP 24 (-4) BP 30.24 (1024) NW 6 haze RH 42

Odometer 3: 243.7mi

Z4-Z5.

This was a refreshing change from the last time. I didn't get what I'd wanted, but it sure was a big improvement over the last test, where my run was, to say the least, substandard. I still didn't get what I wanted for the run, but I was a lot closer (and had I run a second faster, I would've collected another point, but that's academic) to the 290 points I normally strive to achieve.

Of course, it was noticeably cooler, and I had actually trained up some for that test. I also hadn't been doing Crossfit (or some facsimile thereof).

I do need to work out more - although it stands that while I've been averaging doing PT on every other day or so, I don't think that's enough by any stretch. I think I should be able to get that 290 before I leave Afghanistan, though.

Even after about a week's worth of advance warning, I was able to get my customary 200 points in the first two events with comparative ease. It's not that I had to kill myself to do it, but I was pleasantly surprised that after that little time, I was able to get back into the kind of shape required to get the results I did.

I still should've gotten 82 pushups, just on principle.

One other thing is that in spite of running faster, it was in the wake of being 5 pounds heavier than the last time. I don't think that 5 pounds is really muscle, either. I need to go back to lifting, in an attempt to see if I can get leaner again.

A note on the iThink this morning. I have no idea what cause me to think of 80s Top 40 and hair metal, but the song I was trying to push out of my head was "At Least I'm Not the Snacko" by Dos Gringos, my latest musical fix, the lyrics of which are entertaining, but the tempo is too slow for a good run unless I'm wogging:

They just lost my travel voucher over at finance
I just tried to fart but instead I squirted my pants
The cops just found my car totaled in a ditch
My hemorrhoids are back in town and their itching like a sonafabitch

But I'm not sad
It ain't all that bad
'Cause at least I can say I'm not the Snacko

My mother came to visit and she found my porno stash
Last week's midnight rendezvous is now a horrible rash
My brother's back in prison and my sister she's a whore
It probably wouldn't bother me but her pimp - her pimp lives right next door

But I'm not sad
It ain't all that bad
'Cause at least I can say I'm not the Snacko

Now I can go back to my dilatory ways of not working out much.

Splits:

Pushups: 80 in 1:40 or so (about the same as last time)
Situps: 87 in 2:00 (My boss was holding my feet, so I felt somewhat compelled to overachieve)
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
2.00 14:37 14:37 07:18 07:18 2.00

5.0mi, 40:35, 4 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 266 of the campaign.

iThink: The All-American Rejects, "It Ends Tonight"

WX at 0630: 37 (3) DP 10 (-12) BP 30.21 (1023) Variable 2 RH 32

Odometer 3: 241.6mi

Z4.
Average/max heart rate = somewhere around 168/180 or so

My heart rate monitor went absolutely bonkers at start. It was dry and not very conductive, so it didn't pick up much when I was starting up. Once I'd started sweating, it was a lot less problematic, and was largely accurate.

This was a hard one, but a little easier because it was a bit chilly out here. It was great running weather, not too much wind, with brilliant sunlight.

There are snowcaps as of two days ago, first I've seen since April. It was absolutely picturesque...which doesn't change the basic fact that it's only going to get colder soon.

I realize that my Garmin Forerunner 305 cuts fractional seconds, and that's why the aggregate time doesn't quite match the overall time.

There's something to be said about actually getting my run out of the way right away in the morning, though.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 07:56 07:56 07:56 07:56 1.00
1.00 15:59 08:03 08:03 07:59 2.00
1.00 24:09 08:10 08:10 08:03 3.00
1.00 32:18 08:09 08:09 08:04 4.00
1.00 40:19 08:01 08:01 08:04 5.00
0.03 40:32 00:13 07:13 08:03 5.03

5.0mi, 43:06, 2 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 264 of the campaign.

iThink:
Starflyer 59, "I Drive A Lot"
Jane Wiedlin, "One Hundred Years of Solitude"

WX at 2330: 51 (11) DP 17 (-8) BP 30.18 (1022) W 6 RH 25

Odometer 3: 236.5mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 162/171

Today is the Day of the Dead, or Dia de los Muertos in the original Spanish. I didn't care how late it was, I was getting in my run (and my 40x30x30x30 pushups and 50x40x40x30 situps).

I'm an atheist, but I was going to commune with those who are gone from this corporeal universe, one way or another. It was damned important to me, religion or not.

Of those people:
Tom Flynn, my father-in-law, who I remembered going drinking with one time when I visited his house in Carolina Shores, North Carolina. He was a father in so many ways and I miss him to this day.

Patricia Flynn, his wife, who died just over a year after he died of a heart attack. I honestly don't know of a grandmother who loved her grandchildren more - and was every bit the best grandmother we could have wished for the Princess and the Sledgehammer.

My grandmother, who, in spite of the language difference, tried her best to show her love for her grandchildren, some of whom, like me, she didn't see very much. The last thing I said to her was that I hoped that I'd be as good of a grandson as I could be for her.

Frederick Neumann, my violin teacher, who had been in Army counterintelligence during World War II, was the first concertmaster of the Richmond (Vrginia) Symphony Orchestra in 1957, and had been my violin teacher for twelve years. I would have asked him to commission me, but he died about two months before I was commissioned. His wife, Margaretta, had died my senior year at prep school; it was in her memory that I had dedicated my senior recital there.

Steve Gomeringer, the supply specialist at the Johns Hopkins ROTC program. He was a retired Air Force sergeant who had been at Hopkins for years, who I'd help out all the time, and was one of the few who was really in my corner when a lot of other people thought I'd never amount to much as a cadet. I'd like to think he was gratified when I became the cadet battalion commander, normally reserved for the best cadet in the senior year class at the end. He died three months before I was commissioned.

Gary Vasquez, who'd come to my old cavalry troop as a new scout right out of the schoolhouse, went to Ranger School and would not quit until he graduated. He came back six months later with his Ranger tab, which says much about his fortitude. I remember his fascination when I'd showed him how I wrote orders as a troop commander, to show how things differed from what he'd learned at Ranger School. Gary was killed in Afghanistan a month ago. I intend to visit his gravesite when I get back to the United States.

Jason Swiger, who had also come to my cavalry troop as a new soldier, died in 2007 in Baqubah, Diyala Province, Iraq. I had reduced Jason in rank once, and a lesser man would have quibbled about it. He came back from it, was eventually promoted to sergeant, beyond his original grade, and became every bit the kind of soldier I was glad I had. As his commander, I'd like to think, in a very small conceit, that I might have had something to do with his becoming the man he had become.

Jon Grassbaugh was the logistics officer for the same squadron as Jason Swiger. Jon died from an IED strike in Zaganiyah, also in Diyala Province, Iraq, a few weeks after Jason was killed. I knew Jon from the Pershing Rifles alumni network from Johns Hopkins, and he had asked me about my experiences in the 82d Airborne Division. There is a sense of dread that I might have been one of the contributors to his death; in the sense of I gave him one of the things that may have ultimately killed him. That gnaws at me from time to time. I wear a black KIA bracelet on my wrist with Jon's name on it every day. I will visit Jon at Arlington National Cemetery next time I get to Washington, D.C.

John Engeman, who was one of my coworkers a few years ago, who was killed by an IED in Iraq in 2006. John was a tireless worker and a voice of reason, in spite of the unbelievably intense stupidity that he and I had endured in our job at the time.

Matt Worrell, who was killed when his helicopter was shot down in 2006. Matt and I were lieutenants together in our first assignment to an armored cavalry squadron at Fort Hood, Texas. I found out about Matt the same day John Engeman died, just a few days after I got home from Iraq.

Tom Witt, my classmate from the Armor Officer Basic Course, who died when his tank rolled over in a training accident in 1995. Tom's a few rows over from Jon Grassbaugh in Section 60 at Arlington.

Emory Elmore, who committed suicide during his junior year. He and I attended the same prep school together and were both on the academic team and in the school theater.

Kent Greene, who I visited once in New York City, and who I remember fondly from our shared time on an internet mailing list for the TV show My So-Called Life. Kent died of pneumonia in 2000.

And among others, my dog Thor, who was a faithful running and road marching companion, and always brightened my day when I came home at the end of the day.

I don't really consider myself superstitious or excessively sentimental, but when I die, I want some of Thor's hair buried with me...and that of Household6. The rationale, not grounded in any kind of reason, is that at the end, what was left of us will come back. If I'm buried with the ones I loved, then I'll see them in the afterlife.

There's some necessary emotional and spiritual bloodletting that I do from time to time. This is one of those times.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:47 08:47 08:47 08:47 1.00
1.00 17:22 08:35 08:35 08:41 2.00
1.00 25:54 08:32 08:32 08:38 3.00
1.00 34:26 08:32 08:32 08:36 4.00
1.00 42:51 08:25 08:25 08:34 5.00
0.03 43:06 00:15 08:20 08:34 5.03

7.8mi, 67:29, 1 NOV 08, Bagram, Afghanistan

Day 263 of the campaign.

iThink:
The Dust Brothers, "Stealing Fat"
Bear McCreary, "Roslin and Adama"

WX at 1930: 60 (16) DP 32 (0) BP 30.09 (1019) NNW 9 haze RH 33

Odometer 2: 312.1mi

Z3.
Average/max heart rate = 162/171

This is perimeter run 45.

My knees hurt. They might, after shoes that probably have more than 312 miles on them from just casual walking around in some cases, but I don't feel very compelled to replace shoes when I only have 312 miles on them of actual running.

I feel exhausted, partly because of jet lag. I don't think there's any way around that.

But if I don't force myself to work out, it will slip. Getting things piled on me at work while I'm still barely staying above water is no fun.

This run was nothing to write home about. I don't feel motivated to run much faster than this lately because I'm so tired and ornery.

Tomorrow is the Day of the Dead. I think of this because of the dead people who I remember lately, and the ones with whom I wish I could talk again.

Splits
SGMT AGGRG SEGMT PERMI AVGPC DIST
1.00 08:29 08:29 08:29 08:29 1.00
1.00 17:10 08:41 08:41 08:35 2.00
1.00 25:38 08:28 08:28 08:33 3.00
1.00 34:36 08:58 08:58 08:39 4.00
1.00 43:13 08:37 08:37 08:39 5.00
1.00 52:08 08:55 08:55 08:41 6.00
1.00 60:54 08:46 08:46 08:42 7.00
0.76 67:25 06:31 08:34 08:41 7.76