The Reason For All Those Jumps I Logged Here

Master Parachutist Badge, nonsubdued version

Although I've had orders in hand for the Master Parachutist Badge for over a week, I elected not to put them on until Tuesday. As the long-standing tradition goes, the wings aren't valid until they're properly tagged (a.k.a., "bloodwings").

In the interests of staying out of trouble, I have no footage of the wings being tagged (unlike some Marine force recon guys who stupidly enough, brought a video camera to when they winged some of their own).

The reaction I get from some folks is "that's unbelievably barbaric" when I explain the tradition of bloodwings. Being unable to Google a good explanation of it, here goes:

It's been long standing tradition in the paratrooper community to properly initiate a paratrooper to his next higher rating (whether it be basic for a jump school graduate, or senior or master for a jumpmaster, depending on experience) by pounding the badge into the individual being honored with the backings removed so that the pins stuck in the chest. Where it comes from, I have no idea. A similar tradition exists for rank, where an enlisted soldier being promoted to the next grade gets his new stripes properly tagged.

In today's politically correct (and in some cases more egalitarian) military, we have turned our back on some of the traditions that set us apart because it highlighted a certain standard of excellence. Bloodwings are no longer permissible in most airborne units by the letter of the law (command policy). That it happens with remarkable regularity is an indicator (I hesitate to use the much more loaded word "tribute") of the type of people we want (and for the most part, have) in those units.

Commanders have turned a blind eye to it, because they see bloodwinging (and in the same vein, bloodranking) as a bonding ritual that, to use the letter of a different regulation, is not "prejudicial to good order and discipline." I speak from a biased viewpoint; I've been in organizations where the focus was to break things and kill people as a collateral activity of the job. I really don't have any desire to go to a noncombat unit or noncombat headquarters; my professional attitudes are so aligned to being around killers that the few times I've been in non-combat arms environments, I've felt intensely uncomfortable, in that some of the people who were in these units had lost their way, or focus.

Besides, you want the guy to hit you hard. That way you don't feel the pins going in. It the ones who lightly push the badge that really make you feel it going in.

5.1mi, 40:34

Peter Liepa, theme to Boulder Dash (probably because I was playing Jungle Hunt on an Apple IIgs emulator before starting this morning)
The Police, "Too Much Information"
The Soviet National Anthem (no shit.)

WX at 0700: 62.1 (16.7), DP 59.0 (15.0), BP 29.78 (1008), winds W 7, RH 89%

Odometer 1: 421.5mi

Z3 transitioning to z4 hard before finish.
Resting heart rate before start = 50 (129/85). Maybe my blood pressure is starting to get under control.

I stretched today, although I had to make a conscious effort to do so before starting. I was briefly thinking about doing mile repeats, but I don't have a good course really marked out and I'd need more warmup than usual if I were going to do them. Maybe some other day.

I was thinking of doing 3 x 2.5 this morning (similar to the 2 x 2.5 I did yesterday) but for whatever reason or another decided not to and elected to go harder on a more difficult, shorter course.

Splits
1.5 11:46 11:46 07:51
2.1 28:50 17:04 08:08
1.5 40:34 11:44 07:49 07:53

5.0mi, 41:09

Armor for Sleep, "Car Underwater"
The Reputation, "Let It Rest"
The Reputation, "Face It"
George Fenton, Memphis Belle End Title Suite

WX at 0600: 55 (13), DP 37 (3), BP 29.9 (1012), winds SSW 6, RH 50%

Odometer 2: 355mi

Z2-3.
Resting heart rate before start = 51 (126/81)

A good recovery run over an easier course. The first half was slow and I almost entertained the idea of stopping after the first 2.5mi loop. Better sense relented, and I loosened up by the second half, as manifest by the significant negative split.

I think I'm starting to get stale, as my desire to wake up early decreases daily. I would hope that some legitimate self-discipline would be in order, since I'm planning on running the Fort Bragg 10-Miler in early June.

I don't much care for the new course (essentially an out-and-back A-to-A run), but it'll be nice to get out of running by myself and actually get a little competitive. This will warrant some change in training regimen, although I desperately need to get some speedwork in. I just have to figure out how.

I realized this morning part of my reason to tiptoe around the house in the mornings isn't with us anymore. Habits die hard after the loss of a longtime companion (6 years, in this case), but I'm not ready to let go yet.

Splits
2.5 21:07 21:07 08:27
2.5 41:09 20:02 08:01 08:08

We are Universal Jihad, and we approved this message.

One of the few light spots in the last few days has been from the Dead Runners Society, where there was mention of a movement called Unitarian Jihad.

Now this is pretty entertaining, far more than the Church of the Subgenius, of which I was nominally a member some 15 years ago.

I can't seem to settle on a good name, but there are a few good ones that have come up from the various name generators:

Brother Peaceful Machine Gun of Engaged Freedom
underscored by the need to ban the word "Freedom" from the NICKA system in the hopes that some dumb shit at the Joint Staff or one of the combatant commands won't feel the need to come up with Operation Farsi Freedom (although they'd get bonus points for the lame alliteration) for Iran, Operation Kimchi Freedom for North Korea, or Operation American Freedom (in the instance that Operation Noble Eagle ever gets retired). The sad thing is that the original name for the Afghanistan campaign, Operation Infinite Justice, actually fits the NICKA guidelines for a CENTCOM plan. But I digress.

Brother Tactical Baton of Enlightened Equanimity
Brother Pepper Spray of Moderation
Brother Peaceful Claymore of Serene Charity

7.6mi, 60:35

Asobi Seksu, "Walk on the Moon"
The Reputation, "Let It Rest"
Joseph Conlan, closing credits to Tour of Duty

WX at 0700: 37 (3), DP 32 (0), BP 29.8 (1009), winds SW 6, RH 80%

Odometer 1: 416.5mi

Z3-4.
Resting heart rate before start = 53 (137/93)

I didn't feel like doing shit yesterday, and I really didn't feel like getting up this morning.

The house is very quiet in the morning now. During my run this morning it was easy to visualize Thor running alongside me in the leapfrogging manner in which I remember well. He always felt the need to mark his territory everywhere he went. Everywhere outside, at least.

Today was quick, although I stretched before. That probably helped some. Mostly negative splits, markedly so at the end.

I looked to the floor in front of our couch out of instinct as I came back in the house. Thor's not there anymore.

I also have the unenviable task of explaining mortality to the Princess, my four year-old daughter, who cried "I miss Thor" when she went to bed on Saturday. The Sledgehammer, my three year-old daughter, isn't old enough to grasp it yet. I guess that's a small blessing for now.

Splits
1.5 12:08 12:08 08:05
2.1 29:30 17:22 08:16
1.5 41:30 12:00 08:00
2.5 60:35 19:05 07:38 07:57

A Difficult Journey Finally Complete

Thor (11/19/1992 - 4/23/2005) on February 5, 2005

Thor died this morning at about 9:15am.

I brought him to the animal hospital and had to carry him into the car and into the hospital, because he couldn't walk this morning and had very labored breathing.

When the doctor finally got to him, she immediately brought him back to the surgery room attempting to keep him going, but he expired on the table. I think he was conscious, but his heart finally quit. He had been in some pain in the last few days, but this morning was the end. I think I realized, but not at the gut level, that his labored breathing this morning meant that he was dying.

He was a faithful companion. When he was younger, he would go road marching or running with me. Eventually he got to the point where he was too old to keep up, but every day I came home from work, he was the first to greet me at the door. Thursday was the last day I got that privilege.

I'm not a religious man, but I have to believe that he's in a better place now.

Rest in peace, Thor. You earned it.

Bad pet juju

Thor laid in two places last night and the only thing he'll put away is water.

I tried to get him to go outside, hooked up his leash (which normally gets him all perked up to go outside) and he got as far as halfway up the driveway and just laid down. He was so out of gas that he started to lean downhill.

This is not good.

5.7mi, 51:22

Liz Story, "Welcome Home"
Rachel Loy, "Love Me Too Much"

WX at 0700: 61.0 (16.1), DP 57.0 (13.9), BP 29.58 (1001), winds SSW 7, RH 86%

Odometer 1: 409mi

Z2.
Resting heart rate before start = 55 (137/90)

Felt slow, ran slow, not mentally prepared to run anything more than slow.
My mind was not on running and yesterday's hard run necessitates a recovery run.

Splits
1.70 15:04 15:04 08:52
2.32 36:19 21:15 09:10
1.70 51:22 15:03 08:51 08:59

Brief improvement, then downturn

In spite of the pain medication I've been giving Thor, he has been regressing back to his lethargy of a few days ago. This worries me, although not as much as it did a few days ago. It could be that he just doesn't have much energy. He does spend a lot of time sleeping, even during the day.

He seems to be feeling less pain since I've been giving him Rimadyl, a pet-specific NSAID. I'm hoping that'll address some of this nagging pain.

Thor has voided himself inside the house three times this past week. I'm hoping it's not due to loss of sphincter control or another cause.

We'll see what happens, but I don't see this regression as a good thing.

5.1mi, 40:46

The Reputation, "Let This Rest" (for a slow song, a remarkably good running mantra)
For Against, "Daylight"

WX at 0700: 55 (13), DP 53 (12), BP 29.86 (1011), Calm, RH 93%

Odometer 2: 350mi

Z4.
Resting heart rate before start = 58 (139/91)

Today started quick, and turned into a hard run. There was something vaguely therapeutic about running a shorter distance, fast. While it's probably not conducive to marathon training (my goal for next January), I have some time.

My knees don't feel so bad also. Of course, these shoes have less mileage than my others.

Splits
1.5 11:40 11:40 07:47
2.1 29:05 17:25 08:18
1.5 40:46 11:41 07:47 07:55

The Unrestrained Use of Excessive Schlock

I bought The Final Countdown on disk today. Now I'd seen it on tape a few years ago, but not in a THX-remastered DVD print, and it looks pretty good.

With that said: 22 years ago when I saw it on the big screen, I thought it was the heat. At the time, I aspired towards naval aviation as a career path (ha, ha, ha).
Nothing is quite so Kafkaesque as seeing a Korean actor dressed in an Imperial Japanese Navy Flying Corps uniform, speaking Japanese to someone over the 1-MC...in a Korean accent. Transparent to a 3rd grader, but I sure as hell notice it now!

Fucking American films.

More to follow when I get a chance.

Static J, Ste Mêre Eglise DZ

The Reputation, "Let This Rest"

Drop altitude 1500 feet AGL, time of drop approximately 0835
KFBG 211255Z 26007KT 230V290 7SM SKC 18/10 A2995 RMK SLP143
Conditions at: KFBG observed 1255 UTC 21 April 2005
Temperature: 18.0°C (64°F)
Dewpoint: 10.0°C (50°F) [RH = 59%]
Pressure (altimeter): 29.95 inches Hg (1014.3 mb)
[Sea-level pressure: 1014.3 mb]
Winds: from the W (260 degrees) at 8 MPH (7 knots; 3.6 m/s)
Visibility: 7 miles (11 km)
Ceiling: at least 12,000 feet AGL
Clouds: clear skies
Weather: no significant weather observed at this time

I showed up to the S3 air meeting hoping to troll a parachute in exchange for pulling a jumpmaster duty. As fortunes turned out, I got my duty...as the primary jumpmaster. In addition, there were so many pay hurts that showed up for manifest call that I could not in good conscience take a parachute from someone who was too much of a fucking pussy to jump during the winter because he didn't want to jump snivel gear on the far side of Fort Bragg from work. Nonetheless, there were other JMs on the jumpmaster team who gave up parachutes today for the same reason, and I don't need it for pay or currency. Every jump I do from here on out is purely gravy since there's no actual incentive to become a centurion (jumpmaster with over 100 jumps).

One thing about being the primary (or PJ or PJM, for short) is that you suddenly have the authority to deny manifesting to those who you feel are not deserving, or conversely, to allow someone who needed it to get on. The airborne commander today was the company XO, who is a pretty decent guy with a good common-sense attitude.

As the PJ, I has the prerogative of arbitrarily changing JM assignments, and I elected to do so for lift 1. This first lift had the command sergeant major, the chief of staff, and a handful of other full colonels onboard. No pressure.

I also had the responsibility for releasing the Wind Drift Indicator (WDI, or more commonly, the "streamer") before exiting any jumpers. The WDI is a length of crepe paper that has been taped and weighted so that it has the same flight characteristics as a jumper without steering capability. Ordinarily, the first pass exits a streamer (under our jumping rules) as a risk mitigation measure. If the panels have been properly set, and the aircraft is flying the correct pattern, then a correctly deployed streamer will land fairly close to the personnel point of impact (PPI). My safety, who is a very experienced JM, told me to let it out some before letting it go, under the rationale that the WDI has to unravel enough to get the correct flight characteristics, otherwise it won't accurately depict a jumper. In reality, I hadn't counted on what happens to a piece of crepe paper if you hang on to one end of it while leaning out of a plane going just over 100mph. The damn thing disintegrated out of my hand with not much more than an involuntary, albeit sotto voce, "fuck!" As we were passing over the PPI, I saw three pieces of streamer on its way to the ground.

In spite of that inauspicious start, I did have an accurate spot and got kudos from the Command Sergeant Major and Chief of Staff on the accuracy of my positioning. I was gratified to be finished with the pass; the rest of it was almost inauspicious.

Today's jump went very smoothly, and in spite of a late start, finished early with no injuries (although there were a few jumpers who landed in trees, which was probably attributable to jumper error), which is something I attribute to the professional excellence of the jumpmasters with whom I am privileged to work.

7.6mi, 61:11

Gordon Goodwin's Big Phat Band, "Hunting Wabbits"
Rachel Loy, "Love You Too Much"
Theme to the 1984 computer game Skyfox

WX at 0700: 59 (15), DP 50 (10), BP 30.06 (1017), winds SW 3, RH 72%

Odometer 1: 403mi

Z3 medium.
Resting heart rate before start = 48 (138/99)

I guess I'm glad I took yesterday easy. Today's run was unexpectedly faster. It was probably a more positive thing that I wasn't distracted this morning by thinking about whether my pet was going to be with us another day or two.

I am noticing that my knees are starting to feel the runs when I run them in these shoes, so it's probably an indicator that it's starting to get time to replace them. I suspect I have about a month left on these shoes so long as I continue to alternate them. I think I can get away with 500 miles on a pair of shoes, although as I get older, my margin of error will probably decrease commensurate to age and perceived knee joint pain.

However, comparing the two shoes I do alternate, I'll probably just go with one kind, and oddly enough based on biomechanics, it won't be the ones actually appropriate for my stride...it'll be a more general motion control shoe that happens to ride better, IMHO.

The last 2.5 split was faster than expected, but I markedly slowed down after the first 5.1. I noticed that I was fully warmed up around 4 miles and that's probably where I started to make some time back (noting that the second 1.5 split was significantly faster). I also attribute that to the ballyhooed "runner's high," which I tend to discount, but have felt from time to time. Too bad it lasted only about a mile before uphill climbs brought me back to reality.

Splits
1.5 11:58 11:58 07:59
2.1 29:37 17:39 08:24
1.5 41:17 11:40 07:47
2.5 61:11 19:54 07:58 08:02

Dodged a bullet

I took Thor to Cape Fear Animal Hospital, where he has been seen for his usual checkups for most of the last ten years or so.

I breathed a gargantuan sign of relief that there was nothing terminally wrong with him other than the fact that he has nothing that warranted invasive surgery. After a complete blood count and two x-rays, he apparently has spondylosis, which would explain why he has been slowing down as of late, why he was hurting around his back, and why when he lies down at night that it's marked by a thump, not the smooth movement that I associated with him when I first met him six years ago.

The spondylosis, combined with arthritis throughout, contributed to his lethargy since he was feeling some substantial pain to not be able to move around. I don't have a problem with feeding him NSAIDs for the rest of his life if it means that he'll have a much greater quality of life because he's not in pain just moving around.

The alarming thing in the last 18 hours was his not moving around at all, or his total lack of appetite. At the risk of sounding hypochondriac (about Thor, at least), all the hubbub brought a hell of a lot of peace of mind.

I know my time with Thor is limited, so I should probably start investing some more time with him while we still have his company. He may have his quirks, but it's the absence of those quirks last night and this morning that really scared the hell out of me.

I thank the staff at CFAH for their professionalism and their compassion in what was a difficult episode, at least for me.

5.1mi, 42:55

Mark Isham, "Semper Fidelis" from Rules of Engagement OST
John Williams, introduction to end credits, Star Wars: Attack of the Clones OST

WX at 0600: 57 (14), DP 46 (8), BP 30.11 (1019), winds SW 2, RH 67%

Odometer 2: 345mi

Z3.
Resting heart rate before start = 51 (134/99)

I was planning on doing 7.6, but I decided to listen to my legs rather than driving through it. I'll do a long run tomorrow morning since I probably don't have enough base to run back-to-back 7.6 loops on a daily basis yet.

Thor drank some water this morning when I brought it to him, and so far has eaten about 4 or 5 dog treats. His movement has been confined solely to going from one side of the living room to the other.

Normally, when I get up in the mornings, I go out and get the newspaper, and he's right there with me to go get it and walk around the front yard for a few minutes. This morning he lifted his head but didn't get up. When I sit down to put on my shoes before going out, he's always there wagging his tail and wanting to go, but not this morning.

I'll be taking him to the animal hospital as soon as they open.

Splits
1.5 12:23 12:23 08:15
2.1 30:26 18:03 08:36
1.5 42:55 12:29 08:19 08:20

My pet is ill

A few years ago, I went off to the National Training Center on business. At the time, we had two dogs, Thor and Diana, who were siblings. Diana suffered from arthritis from time to time, and we kept them outside for the most part unless it was so cold that Household6 relented and allowed them to stay in the kitchen.

Diana developed a slipped disk and was in horrible pain about a day or two before I was supposed to return from NTC. I got back in time enough to see her before we made the very difficult, but necessary decision to euthanize her. She was 10 at the time in chronological years.

Thor survived her, and has been doing pretty well, but is showing further signs of aging. When I left for Carlisle Barracks, he was active. I got back, and he seemed okay, if a little slower. Today, when I returned from work, he wasn't running to the door to greet me. He was sitting with his back to me, and his head was hanging. He was totally different; he was almost unresponsive and lying passively.

So far, he's gone outside once in the last six hours to defecate and drank water once a few hours ago. He hasn't eaten anything and won't drink anything presented to him. In the meantime, he's been lying on the floor. I had to carry him away from the front door so that the doorway was clear.

Tomorrow I'm taking him to the vet. I'm worried, and not a little fearful. I think Thor is dying.

7.6mi, 63:06

mewithoutYou, "January 1979"
Depeche Mode, "Blasphemous Rumours" (brought on by some loose philosophy thought during my run about atheism and something else)

WX at 0600: 44 (7), DP 39 (4), BP 30.19 (1022), winds SW 2, RH 81%

Odometer 1: 395.5mi

Z2 mostly, Z3 on last leg.
Resting heart rate before start = 47 (136/96)

I didn't feel like getting up this morning, but after not getting out yesterday morning (kids woke up and I was fixed in place) I was determined to run 7.5 or at least what I didn't run yesterday (the 7.6 loop). I briefly entertained running the 8.5 trail route, but ultimately, that was a good idea NOT to run it since I had to stop for a pit stop before the last leg.

I didn't feel like running much once I did get out. The routes I've been running have become stale. Running, to some extent, has become stale, but I don't feel like putting on the ruck, for example, and roadmarching instead.

I could go in early, and run with folks at work, but I don't feel like driving in that early.

Undeclared state of war at home still exists, but under cease-fire for now.

It's been a while since I've felt as marked a case of I don't give a fuck as I have recently.

Splits
1.5 12:25 12:25 08:17
2.1 30:25 18:00 08:34
1.5 43:05 12:40 08:27
2.5 63:06 20:01 08:00 08:17

8.5mi, 72:53

Saxon Shore, "Amber, Ember, Glow"
Cruiserweight, "This Ain't No Beach Party"

WX at 0800: 42 (6), DP 21 (-6), BP 30.39 (1029), winds NNE 12, RH 41%

Odometer 2: 340mi

Z2-3 low.
Resting heart rate before start = 59 (146/106)

After four days of not working out, eating, and most notably, recreational drinking, I gained abour 5 pounds, and significantly, my blood pressure is higher than it's ever been. Ever. This is bad, bad, bad.

Time to go see the doctor on Monday. I'll be embarrassed to think that I have to get high blood pressure medicine at the advanced age of 33. Either that, or I have to get some major lifestyle changes in. Maybe both.

On the other hand, today's run was faster than expected, and it had the slowest start, and lowest relative effort of the ones I've done on this course. Or so it seems. So what gives?

Splits
1.70 14:37 14:37 08:36
2.32 34:48 20:11 08:42
2.72 59:00 24:12 08:54
1.70 72:53 13:53 08:10 08:38

6.0mi, 47:12

The Bats, "Courage"
Velocity Girl, "Labrador"
mewithoutYou, "January 1979"

WX at 0800: 41.0 (5.0), DP 19.9 (-6.7), BP 30.19 (1022), winds ESE 5, RH 42%

Odometer 1: 388mi

Z3 high
Resting heart rate before start = no reading

First time in Carlisle, PA since 1994.

I was afraid today was going to be unpleasantly cold, but it actually ended up being pretty good running weather. Not windy, and for 41 degrees, I probably could have gone one level lower on snivel gear (t-shirt, long sleeve shirt, and shorts). I was a little apprehensive since I'm up here for a week and I went light on running togs. Fortunately, I finished the run without pink legs (an indicator that I wore far too little), so it all worked out pretty well.

Carlisle is pretty flat, which makes me wonder how Dickinson managed to so consistently crush us (as in we damn near got shut out every time we ran dual meets against them) when I was running for Johns Hopkins, long, long ago. Then again, I never particularly minded running against Dickinson, if for no reason that their women's team was so unbelievably hot (in appearance, at least) that I invariably stuck around to watch the women's race as well (and partly because it's just the right thing to do when the men's and women's teams were racing against the same school on the same day).

Carlisle isn't a particularly running-friendly place for terrain. There's not much in the way of shoulders on which to run (at least, where I went) and since it sits on the confluence of I-81 and I-76, it gets a lot of traffic, even at 7:15am.

This was also my chance to scout the area since I'll be here for three months starting in mid-June. The odor coming off farmland to the east of the downtown area was noticeable even in the cold. I can only imagine what it'll smell like in the summer. Yummy.

Splits
None. Overall pace 7:54/mi

8.64mi, 74:07

Chris Stamey, "Ride"
Chris Stamey, "From The Word Go"
mewithoutYou, "January 1979"

WX at 0900: 51 (11), DP 41 (5), BP 30.12 (1019), winds Variable 3, RH 66%

Odometer 1: 382mi

Z3.
Resting heart rate before start = 56 (135/89)

I had to run into work to get my noise-cancelling headphones (I'll be flying and want to check them out). I thought the run was about 3.7mi. Nooooooo! I hit the wall on the way back and had to stop to walk about 6 miles through.

Most of what I was thinking about was food. Eggs, pancakes, sausage, potatoes. I haven't felt like that since Ranger School.

Nonetheless, I guess I can't be too bummed out about running 8:35 pace even when hitting the wall.

Splits
4.32: 36:43 36:43 8:30
8.64: 74:07 37:23 8:39

5.1mi, 42:56

New Model Army, "Running In The Rain"
The Cure, "Disintegration"

WX at 0700: 55 (13), DP 53 (12), BP 29.91 (1012), winds NE 9, RH 93%

Odometer 2: 331.5mi

Z3 low.
Resting heart rate before start = 57 (135/97)

Today was a thought-provoking run. I really didn't feel like going out today, but I probably needed it, if for nothing more than catharsis. Today started out slow, got slower, and stayed slow. I don't care.

I attach the lyrics of the two songs in the iThink today, for they have weighty significance:

So many words are spoken
Round and round and round and round
So many confidences broken in this town
Too many cigarettes, I don't want to feel like this anymore
I go running, running in the rain

The television programmes
Go round and round and round and round
Oh God, I wish you were still here
Oh yes, I'm sorry for what I said
I love you, but I still wish you were dead
Now I'm running, running in the rain

So much time for thinking
Round and round and round and round
The boys all go drinking just to shut it out
Out here in the storm
You know that you're alive
Running, running in the rain
- New Model Army, "Running In The Rain"

oh i miss the kiss of treachery the shameless kiss of vanity the soft and the black and the velvety up tight against the side of me and mouth and eyes and heart all bleed and run in thickening streams of greed as bit by bit it starts the need to just let go my party piece

oh i miss the kiss of treachery the aching kiss before i feed the stench of a love for a younger meat and the sound that it makes when it cuts in deep the holding up on bended knees the addiction of duplicities as bit by bit it starts the need to just let go my party piece

but i never said i would stay to the end so i leave you with babies and hoping for frequency screaming like this in the hope of the secrecy screaming me over and over and over i leave you with photographs pictures of trickery stains on the carpet and stains on the scenery songs about happiness murmured in dreams when we both us knew how the ending would be...

so it's all come back round to breaking apart again breaking apart like i'm made up of glass again making it up behind my back again holding my breath for the fear of sleep again holding it up behind my head again cut in deep to the heart of the bone again round and round and round and it's coming apart again over and over and over

now that i know that i'm breaking to pieces i'll pull out my heart and i'll feed it to anyone crying for sympathy crocodile cry for the love of the crowd and the three cheers from everyone dropping through sky through the glass of the roof through the roof of your mouth through the mouth of your eye through the eye of the needle it's easier for me to get closer to heaven than ever feel whole again

i never said i would stay to the end i knew i would leave you with babies and everything screaming like this in the hole of sincerity screaming me over and over and over i leave you with photographs pictures of trickery stains on the carpet and stains on the memory songs about happiness murmured in dreams when we both of us knew how the end always is...

how the end always is...
- The Cure, "Disintegration"

Household6 and I have not been getting along as of late. It's a case of her having a continuous case of the ass and my not wanting to deal with it, so we've stopped communicating in the meantime. Today's run was about 40 minutes of thinking about the alternative. The unsettling thing is that it's not the first time I've deliberated that course of action during a morning run. Whether I really feel like following through is a pretty pivotal question.

I'll be out of town from Monday to Friday. I'll see if I still feel this way after I get back.

Splits
1.5 12:27 12:27 08:18
2.1 30:31 18:04 08:36
1.5 42:56 12:25 08:17 08:20

5.1mi, 41:00

Rachel Loy, "Love Me Too Much"
Sarah McLachlan, "Fear"
The Reputation, "Face It"

WX at 0600: 60 (16), DP 60 (16), BP 29.74 (1007), winds ESE 2, mist, RH 100%

Odometer 1: 373.5mi

Z2-3.
Resting heart rate before start = 52. On the other hand, I might need to go get looked at for blood pressure since I was reading 145/100 this morning...

Intent this morning is nothing but aerobic fat-burning. I just don't feel motivated to do any hard running. Blood pressure might be another consideration. Some of it might be that currently, I just don't give a fuck.

Ironically, today is probably the fastest run I've ever done relative to perceived effort. I was starting to stretch it out over the last 2 miles, and sped up (although not perceptibly; I had to check it against my watch).

I was unbelievably surprised when I hit the last split in 11:35. Normally I have to kill myself to get that kind of speed. I wasn't going particularly anaerobic.

I have to wonder if my deliberately slow initial split had something to do with it. Normally for a run of this speed I hit the first split around 12:00. Today marks one of the very few occasions I've run faster in the 2.1 leg than in the initial. It means I was speeding up over hilly terrain, versus the 1.5 which is generally flat for the last half of it.

I don't know. I just find it ironic that I run a comparatively fast run on a day where I almost slept in because of lethargy or, quite frankly, lack of the give-a-shit factor.

Splits
1.5 12:26 12:26 08:17
2.1 29:25 16:59 08:05
1.5 41:00 11:35 07:43 07:58

record APFT, 294 points

What I listened to on the way in: mewithoutYou, "January 1979"

The eventual two-mile run mantra: mewithoutYou, "January 1979"

WX at 0700: 51 (11), DP 51 (11), BP 30.21 (1023), Calm, fog, RH 100%

Raw scores:
80 pushups. 100 points, 75 required to max.
77 situps. 100 points, 76 required to max.
14:00 run. This sucked ass! I did NO speedwork in getting ready for this and it showed. I had lots of power left in the legs, but nothing for oxygen content. Lesson learned: next time, I gotta force myself to do speedwork. The taper was fine. My legs were fine. I just couldn't breathe enough to turn around a faster time, and so my time was 32 seconds slower than the last time. I knew I was in trouble when I hit the first mile in 6:48. Bad, bad, bad. I knew I didn't have it in me to run a negative split today.

I tapped in at 181 pounds, 2 over allowable. My computed body fat after tape test ended up being around 19.5% or so.

I could do the easy thing and just do LSD from here on out, since I don't have to take another APFT until September, but if I'm smart I really should start interspersing it with speedwork about a month and a half out.

This is the converse of the running idiom, "speed kills, do LSD." Should have done the inverse to get ready for today. I just loathe doing speedwork.

So...while I met my personal standard of 290 or above, I didn't meet my goal of a 300. A 300 is achievable, but the hard part will be doing the unpleasant things required to get there from here.

Military history and mythology

Tonight, as I was attempting to cue to a particular episode of Pinky and the Brain, I was tuning for something in the background. It was a tossup between snippets of the Iditarod on OLN, or the film Midway on AMC.

When I was 9 years old, one of my childhood friends' had a fairly large VHS tape collection at his disposal. Note that this is 1981, so we're talking old rotary dial, non-varactor, non digital tuned VHS with dew lights and a skew dial and a mechanical counter and the (at the time of its release) advanced feature of LP versus SP so you could squeeze 4 hours on a T-120 (or, in this case, an RCA VK250 tape).

One of the films I used to watch often was Midway. My friend and I used to build ship models and play out ship battles between those ships. He also had a fairly large collection of Time/Life quarto-size World War II history books. As a kid, I had read about Midway, and could speak at length to the events in the battle, as well as key figures on both sides.

The name John Waldron rings few bells for most outside the naval aviation community. But CDR John Waldron took Torpedo Squadron 8 (VT-8) off USS Hornet and drove them to an attack that he realized he probably would not survive. That being said, his commander's intent was clear, mimeographed on paper the night prior. If there was one plane left, he expected that last plane to drive his attack home. Not one pilot in Torpedo 8 cut and run. Accomplishing Waldron's intent, at the cost of the ultimate sacrifice (only one of sixteen men that flew survived the battle), bought enough time and space to enable Bomber Squadron 3, commanded by LCDR Max Leslie, and Bomber Squadron 6, commanded by LCDR Wade McClusky, to destroy three Japanese main fleet carriers.

Tthe hardcore naval history buffs would remember that Leslie pressed home his bombing run with no bombs on the racks. Turns out that Midway was the first time that the SBD-3 Dauntless dive bombers in Bombing 3 were outfitted with electrical switches to arm the bombs, rather than flying with armed bombs from launch. A short-circuit in the safety resulted in Leslie (and a number of his pilots as well) inadvertently jettisoning their only ordnance enroute to target. Leslie had nothing more than two .50 caliber machine guns to strafe his targets.

I'm reminded of running into a guy who was an F-14 jock a few years ago. I think this was at Kingston, RI, for an air show there. The Tomcat driver was assigned to a squadron (VF-41) routinely embarked on USS Enterprise, but more significantly, his aircraft had the name "McClusky" painted on the tailplanes of his aircraft. LCDR McClusky had commanded Bombing 6, which during Midway, was embarked on, as you may guess, Enterprise (albeit the one that came before the current one). I asked him the signficance of the McClusky title, and I was not surprised that it was named for RADM Clarence Wade McClusky. The McClusky award goes to the best attack squadron in the fleet. This guy apparently didn't realize the coincidence of the McClusky award going to a squadron embarked on a ship named Enterprise, but maybe I was just being more geekish than usual.

As a career soldier, I think it's important that we nurture our organizational history for our Soldiers (or for that matter, Sailors, Marines, or Airmen). It gives them some perspective on the traditions and names they perpetuate. Having spent a few years in organizations that jealously guarded their heritage and history (e.g., the 7th Cavalry Regiment, and the 82d Airborne Division, among others), it's a shame when those traditions and knowledge don't get passed on to those who ultimately carry the flame.

A Whole Lot Of Nothing

This morning was a taper day for the physical fitness test I take tomorrow morning.

Sum total exercise for today was 40 pushups, 50 situps, and walking up a few flights of stairs at work.

On the other hand, today's mail brought with it Echelons and Coalesced, respectively the first and latest albums by For Against, a Lincoln, NE band I've been following since 1989. As a high school student I would religiously check the listings in the stores for For Against after I bought their first album December.

Like a few other alt-music obsessions, I attribute my For Against obsession to WDCE FM 90.1, the student-run radio station at the University of Richmond. Richmond itself is a depressingly conservative city, but its student radio station was so bleeding edge alternative as to astound the imagination. Thus, if you wanted to hear something other than top-40, AOR, or easy listening, WDCE was the only station available. The first time I heard For Against was sometime in 1988, so it would have been something off Echelons.

The other band to which I attribute WDCE's influence is Game Theory.

For tomorrow: gotta figure out what to indoctrinate into the iThink for the 2-mile run.

Previous favorites:
The Cure, "A Forest" (Trees Mix)
The Smiths, "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" (also the Ocean Blue cover of the same song)
Henry Rollins, "Drive-By Shooting" (which I also used as a mantra during 400m repeats during college track)
Journey, "Only The Young" (q.v., opening credits to the film Vision Quest)
Corrosion of Conformity, "What(?)"
The Reputation, "The Stars of Amateur Hour"

Given recent music selections, mewithoutYou, "January 1979" is the frontrunner for tomorrow morning. So far.

3.8mi, 32:35

50 Foot Wave, "Clara Bow"
The dB's, "Live For Today"

WX at 0700: 47 (8), DP 33 (1), BP 30.02 (1016), winds calm, RH 57%

Odometer 2: 326.5mi

Z2.
Resting heart rate before start = 62

A good sign, methinks, if I can run at wog pace and still run 8:40 per mile. Today was the last run I intend to do before Wednesday. It was marked by a little chillier temperatures than I expected this morning. I had to grade up to long-sleeve shirt before going out.

I bought three new albums yesterday; two long on the hit parade, one fairly new:
50 Foot Wave, Golden Ocean - good...but I don't think I've ever disliked anything Kristin Hersh has done, either. Six of the songs are rehashed from the self-titled 50 Foot Wave EP. Both are in digipaks, which are nonreplaceable if it ever gets damaged.
Chris Stamey, Travels In The South - also excellent, although I've had some of the tracks off the album for a while as promotional MP3s from the Yep Roc records site.
The Chris Stamey Experience, A Question of Temperature - somewhat disappointing on first listen. It didn't grab me the way the other albums have, although this one is far more, for want of any better descriptor, atmospheric. Not quite my bag of tricks.

Splits
1.5 12:53 12:53 08:35
2.3 32:35 19:42 08:34 08:40

7.6mi, 59:44

Velocity Girl, "Labrador"
mewithoutYou, "January 1979"

WX at 0800: 62 (17), DP 62 (17), BP 29.45 (997), winds SW 17, intermittent rain, RH 100%

Odometer 1: 368.5mi

Z3-4.
Resting heart rate before start = 59

For four days of not running, I didn't have any excuse not to run fast.

One thing I had to consciously do was to belly breathe. This is based on something I was reading about max vO2 and how power output largely depends on the amount of O2 being processed. During my last two miles, I concentrated on attempting to cycle as much air as possible. That resulted in my fastest 2.5 split in about three months. It's not the times I was running in the fall, but once this physical fitness test next week is done, I intend to take a substantially different take on training for the summer.

I'm planning on running the 2006 Disney Marathon. In getting ready for the run, I need to massively ramp up the long runs so that I have the experience of physically running over twenty miles at a stretch. One goal before running the marathon itself is to do a longer run than 26.2 miles so that I have an idea of the mental resilience I'll need to finish a run of that length and pace.

And this is probably the last hard run before Wednesday. I'll probably do hard push-up and sit-up workouts through tomorrow, and taper for the test, which is Wednesday morning.

Splits
1.5 11:30 11:30 07:40
2.1 28:29 16:59 08:05
1.5 40:21 11:52 07:55
2.5 59:44 19:23 07:45 07:50